Jenna, Michelle & Sophie are setting up this page as they have all experienced losing a baby. We want to raise awareness and raise funds for Tommy’s who research into miscarriage, still birth, premature birth and provide pregnancy health information. To raise funds we have chosen to walk a marathon on the 28th March 2015. We will start in Crawley, West Sussex and finish at Brighton Pier. If we can help someone else that was in our shoes then a marathon is nothing really.

Please read our stories below to see why this is so important to us.

Follow us on Twitter @JennMichSoph

Jenna's Story

My name is Jenna Parker, I am 29 years old & I have been married to Kenny Parker since the 4th July 2014.

The 21st of August 2014 was probably one of the happiest days of my life. I found out I was pregnant & my new husband and I couldn't be happier. We took a couple of pregnancy tests but I just knew that I was pregnant. Within minutes we called our parents and siblings & decided that they were the only people that we would tell just to be on the safe side. We were ecstatic & so happy.
After a couple of weeks I started to get extremely bad cramps. I spoke to family members & they told me cramps were normal & I shouldn't worry too much. However the cramps were so painful that I decided to go to East Surrey A&E on the 31st August 2014. The waiting room was extremely packed. Kenny & I sat & waited for a long while until I had to ask him to speak to the receptionist to ask how long it would be until I saw a Dr or nurse as I was in pain. Minutes later the nurse called my name.
I explained my symptoms & after a urine sample she confirmed I was pregnant & that I didn't have a urine infection however she would refer me to the early pregnancy unit for a scan. I explained I believed I was about 5 weeks 5 days pregnant, the nurse called the EPU in front of me & an appointment was booked for the 2nd September 2014, Kenny's birthday.

My husband and I were nervous but excited to have our first scan. After about an hours wait we were seen & the sonographer explained she would be doing an internal scan. Minutes later she stated that everything looked fine, I was very early but my uterus & ovaries looked normal & the baby was like a little yolk in the sac. We were told to book another appointment in 2 weeks just for a follow up scan. I booked the scan for the 18th September & Kenny I left the unit full of happiness and excitement.

We returned on the 18th September 2014 & were excited to see the development of our baby & at 8 weeks we were excited to see the heartbeat. The cramping had stopped. I was feeling good except for the morning sickness, well evening sickness in my case & we were positive everything would be fine.
As we entered the room, we were met by the sonographer & another female who normally worked in another unit. I knew this because I heard her say she was in the EPU that day to see if she liked it as she was considering working there.
I lay down as my husband held my hand & after a period of no talking & the sonographer moving the Doppler around quite rapidly, I knew something wasn't right. I looked at Kenny for reassurance. The sonographer told us that she couldn't find a heartbeat. Emotion took over me immediately & I began to cry uncontrollably. The sonographer stated that either I had my dates wrong or the baby had no heartbeat. She then continued to say "did you know you had a small cyst on your left ovary?" These questions baffled me. I had been two weeks before & told then my uterus, overies & baby were fine to now finding out I had a cyst on my overy & my baby had possibly died.
I continued to cry. I asked for a tissue as it appeared the staff weren't going to offer me one. I was then told that we should go to sit in a room & a nurse would be coming to talk to my husband and I. Kenny & I sat & waited in the room. We were both devasted. I sobbed and however much Kenny was trying to stay strong & not cry I knew he was just as devasted. After about a 20 minute wait a nurse came into see us. We were told that they could not find a heartbeat & that we should return in a week. Her exact words were; "just prepare yourself for the worse".
Kenny & I knew this would be the hardest week of our lives. We left the EPU confused, emotional & helpless.

The 7 days dragged & everyday there were tears. I wanted the 26th of September 2014 to come quickly but I also didn't want it to come at all as we would know for definite then whether I had lost our baby.
My mum decided to come along with Kenny & I to give us both some support.

At 0900hrs on the 26th September 2014 we found out we had definitely lost our baby. Without a doubt one of the worse days of my life.

The ache in my heart was unbearable & I knew Kenny was feeling exactly the same. I immediately felt lost.
The sonographer explained to Kenny & I there was definitely no heartbeat & that the nurse would need to come & talk to us. They directed us in to the same room we were in the week before. The nurse explained to me the options I had. To be honest I wasn't taking what she was saying in. My heart was broken & I just didn't care. As I walked out the hospital my mum & Kenny held me as I walked, to be passed by a heavily pregnant woman, she had what I wanted so badly.
The hospital had told me that I could take my time to think about what I wanted but I had decided.I knew that technically I had been carrying our baby for three weeks without knowing that the baby had died & without risking my health with possible infection, I would probably need to have the operation under general anthestic. I called the hospital & told them what I had decided. However the next available date would be the 3rd October, which would mean carrying my baby for another 7 days.
They explained I would have to go into hospital on the 30th September for a pre op, so I could go through the paperwork & have my blood taken. I put the phone down. I was a broken woman. I had never felt pain like it. The pain in my heart was unbearable.

On Monday 30th September 2014 at 1100hrs Kenny & I arrived at the hospital. The health assistant showed me into the room & gave me some forms & a pen. She explained that I would need to fill out the forms & would leave us to do this alone. I continued to fill out the form, answering the relevant questions about my health. Then the pink form. "Do you want your baby buried or crimated?" It made it all so real & I just cried. Why was this happening? Why me?!
The lady came back in. She explained to me that when I would go to the hospital on the Friday Kenny would not be able to go with me. I immediately broke down, "I can't do this with out him". She told us to speak to them & tell them how I felt & they may make an exception but she couldn't promise anything. Before I left the lady looked at me & said; "Please don't give up, I'm sure the next time won't be like this". She was the first person in that hospital that had given me some hope. Kenny & I were able to get a scan picture of our baby. Baby Parker was so tiny, so precious.

Part of me didn't want Friday 3rd October to arrive. I knew I would be partied from our baby. At 0730hrs we arrived at Crawley Hospital & wewalked up to the receptionist. She booked me in & immediately I burst into tears. I cried; "Please can my husband stay?" The receptionist handed me a tissue & said; "I'm so sorry they won't let him in but I will speak to the nurses & ask them if you can stay with him as long as possible".
We sat in the waiting room. The nurse called my name. I followed her to the room alone. She opened my file, there were all the pictures of my little baby. She asked me if I knew what the procedure was for today, how they would have to give me tablets to open my cervix to make the operation easier for the surgeon. Tears & tears fell from my face. I asked again if Kenny could be with me & she said no. She said I could sit outside with him for a bit longer however once they needed to give me the tablets I would need to go & sit in my bed.
I went back out to the waiting room & sat back down with Kenny. I held his hand tightly. I felt so lost & I am sure he did as well.
Moments later the nurse came back out. It was time. I hugged Kenny not wanting to let go. He had been my rock. I didn't want to be without him but i had no choice.
I lay on the bed & the nurse came & inserted two tablets in me. I was devastated.
The surgeon came told me about the risks & how it was a blind procedure. He was talking but I wasn't listening, just crying. Then the anesthetist came in to go through details. I was tired of talking & repeating the same things over & over again. I laid in bed listening to people laughing & nattering away. I felt angry. Didn't they know what I was going through?!
Finally a nurse came in & told me it was time. I burst out crying. I apologised. She said; "Don't apologise love, it's ok". I was rolled down the corridor & I continued to cry. I was surrounded by three nurses who were all talking away to me. My heart started to race I knew they were going to slowly put me to sleep & when I woke up I would no longer be a mum.

I opened my eyes, I was shivering & next to me was a nurse."Has the operation been done?!" I said. The nurse explained everything went fine. I continued to lay in the bed. I felt empty I had no emotions.

It's been about 6 weeks since I've had the operation & every day I think about our baby. I have good days & bad days, days when I just cry uncontrollably because all I want is to be pregnant again with our baby & days where I feel guilty for laughing & smiling.
I've been back at work for a few weeks now. I try to stay focused at work but there have been times I have broken down as little things just set me off. I think because of what Kenny & I do for a living people assume we should be tough & strong, but sorry that's not me.
We've heard all the phrases & quotes which people have said to make them feel less awkward about it; "At least you know you can pregnant" "You can always try again" "It just wasn't meant to be" "I know someone who had 3 miscarriages & now she has 2 beautiful children" or the people that just don't say anything at all and act like nothing has happened.
I understand people don't know what to say to Kenny & I, especially because anyone who knows me will know how much I have longed to be a mother. But going through this, losing our baby has taught me that people don't talk about it or are expected to just get over it.
Well sorry that's not going to happen. I cry, I cry a lot & no one is going to tell me or my husband how we should feel. I know times a massive healer & I'm sure that as time passes things will probably get easier but it's never going to heal the constant little ache in my heart.

The 29th April 2015 is Baby Parkers due date & I'm sure it's going to be a tough day for us. We will cross that bridge when we come to it.
We are just lucky that we have an amazing family. Both my parents & Kenny's, our brother & sisters have been incredible, because not only did we lose our baby they lost their grandchild, their niece or nephew.
I however am the luckiest Girl in the world to be married to the most amazing man. Kenny has been my rock. He has held me when I've sobbed & helped me carry on when there were days I didn't want to wake up. I am extremely thankful to him & love him dearly.
Even though I was a mother for a short period of time I loved our baby instantly & always will. Our Angel was simply too beautiful for earth.

Michelle's Story

Hi my name is Michelle Flynn. I'm 28 years old & have one of the best jobs in the world, being a Mummy to my beautiful daughter Isla. I also have one of the best partners any one could ask for, Jay. Jay is my rock, my soul mate & I love him to the moon and back.

In September 2012 we found out we were pregnant. Jay & Iwere over the moon. We couldn’t have been happier. I done all the right things, i.e. I told work, stopped drinking caffeine, no alcohol & stopped eating the things you’re not meant to eat whilst pregnant. I rang the doctors & made an appointment to see the midwife. She booked us in for our first appointment at the hospital where they take your bloods, give you your hospital book & book you in for your first scan.

On December 3rd 2012 we woke up really excited as it was scan day. I wasn’t nervous at all. The sonographer was doing all her bits, doing measurements etc. She was very quiet & didn’t say much. She sat me up & said that the nuchal translucency measurement on the back of the baby’s neck was really thick. Jay & I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. All of a sudden I thought, this isn’t good is it? The sonographer called in a consultant who confirmed that the measurement was very high. A ‘normal’ measurement is about 2.5mm. Our little angel’s measurement was 9.10mm. She said it could be a number of things. She mentioned downs syndrome & congenital heart defects. Our world just came crashing down on us as we didn’t know what was happening. We were ushered into a room right by the waiting room with lots of pregnant women in. I had some more bloods taken & was given an appointment at the Harris birthright centre in Kings College Hospital.

Two days later we went up to Kings where I was given an internal scan. It felt like forever. I was scanned for over 45 minutes. It was a doctor this time so she was able to tell me what she thought was wrong. She said that the baby’s heart was facing the wrong way & the blood flow wasn’t going in the right direction. She booked me in for a CVS test three days later. CVS is Chorionic Villus Sampling, an accurate antenatal diagnostic test which detects chromosomal abnormalities such as downs syndrome. CVS carries a risk of miscarriage. 1 in 100 ends in miscarriage so it was a very hard decision to make. We decided to have the test.                                                                                                                       

On the day of the test I was a bag of nerves. I cried as soon as I laid on the bed. The lady said I needed to stop crying otherwise they could get it wrong. I eventually stopped crying & the doctor applied a local anesthetic to numb the wall of my belly. Pretty much straight away the doctor then inserted a very long needle through my belly and into my uterus to reach the placenta. An ultra sound was used to locate the placenta & guide insertion of the needle to extract a fragment of Chorionic Villi. The procedure was over within 5 minutes. I was then told I had to wait 2 days for the results then to come back a few days later.

I was at home when a lady from Kings rang me up and said that the baby didn’t have a chromosomal abnormality i.e. downs syndrome, Edwards syndrome etc. The lady then said would you like to know the sex of your baby and of course I said yes. We found out we were having a boy. Over the next couple of days I had a little bit of hope that they may have got things wrong & everything was ok with our baby.

I was asked if they could scan baby again. This time we had a professor do the scan & 5 cardiac doctors were present. Again I was scanned for about 45 minutes. We were then asked to wait outside. The professor called us into her office where she told us our baby had 3 major heart abnormalities. The baby only had one valve present, his heart was facing the wrong way & there were no vessels attached to pump the blood around his tiny body in order for him to breathe. I was then booked into my local hospital where I had to have a medically induced labour.

On 15th December 2012 at 7am I was admitted onto the labour ward where everyone else was giving birth. A lovely midwife came in & introduced herself. She explained what would happen & she would be with me the whole time. Jay of course was by my side all the way. The midwife came back in the room about 2 hours later, she had an emergency procedure she had to attend too. She inserted a pill into my cervix that would make me contract. (Pretty much what they do to induce labour). A couple of hours went by & I felt nothing so she gave me a pill to swallow, then another one 2 hours later. After about an hour after the pill I started to have contractions. The midwife told me to use the gas and air, to which I did. (Helped a lot).

My waters then broke. After about 15 more minutes I gave birth to our baby boy at 20.07 on the 15/12/2012.

There were no signs of life. I originally told the midwife that I didn’t want to see the baby as I was scared. When he came out I changed my mind. I wanted to see him. He looked exactly like a baby but very very small. He had fingers, toes & a nose just like any other baby. He came out with his hands on his chest, he looked very peaceful. After a few minutes the midwife took him away and I never saw him again. I then had to give birth to my placenta. I was asked to stay over at the hospital just to make sure I was ok. We were heartbroken. The midwife said she would take pictures of the baby if we would like them too and some prints of his feet. We were sent home the following morning. We felt really numb. About 2 days later my milk came through which was hard to take. It reminded me that I had just lost our baby.

The bereavement nurse from the hospital came to see me and in her hand she had the pictures of our baby along with his little footprints. My heart was racing. His footprints were so tiny. We agreed that they could do tests to see why this happened and to do some research. If it will help someone else in our shoes then of course we let them do the tests.

We remember all the big dates. The day I gave birth, his due date, the day we had the scan. On the day he was due we released two blue balloons into the sky. It was a very emotional day. I was pregnant again with our baby girl.                                                                                                  

Our baby boy will always be in our hearts. A day doesn’t go by where we don’t think about him. We know he is looking after us and his little sister.

Sophie's Story

My name is Sophie & my partner is Tony. Our journey started in October 2011 when I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. I didn't expect that I would get pregnant that quickly as I only had my contraceptive implant taken out in September however we was so excited & from the moment we found out we was looking at baby stuff to buy & planning ahead.

At about 5 weeks I had some spotting but thought nothing of it as it was very minimal. At 6 weeks we went on holiday to Mexico. Whilst on the flight I had quite bad cramps in my tummy but again didn't really know what to think so just carried on as normal. The next day on holiday suddenly all my pregnancy symptoms disappeared & I naively thought that as I was on holiday maybe I was just  more relaxed.

When we returned from Mexico I had my routine booking in appointment at 10 weeks with the midwife & then 2 weeks after on the 19th December 2011 I had my 12 week scan where my world came crashing down.

I remember waiting outside the room. We were both very excited. The lady then called me in. I laid down on the bed & she started to scan me. I looked at the screen & you could just see what looked like a little blob. She then asked if she could scan me internally so I said yes. I knew something wasn't right now. I guess I thought by 12 weeks you should see a baby on the screen and I couldn't!
I remember having a conversation with my mum a few weeks before & she said when she was pregnant she worried that when she had a scan there would be no baby there & now this was happening to me!
The lady then carried out the internal scan and within a couple of minutes said rather matter of fact; "I'm very sorry you have had a miscarriage". I was completely heartbroken!
She then took me to another room where another lady spoke to us & said she would give us a few minutes to take it in. When she came back she then explained about having the operation! My initial reaction was what operation?! I hadn't thought that far ahead yet. I had a couple of minutes to take in that my baby had been taken away from me & now I was being told I would need to come in for an operation to have it "removed". We then waited about two hours to see the doctor & book in the operation for the next day. We then left the hospital & had to tell our parents the sad news which was awful.

The next morning on the 20th December I was admitted to hospital for an ERPC (Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception, it's name just sounds awful). I remember sitting in my hospital bed & the nurse came in & said; "Is it your first?" So I said yes, clearly looking upset so she then said; "Oh it's not that bad!" I was stunned that she was so rude. I started crying & she said; "Oh look I've set her off now!" I then remember laying in the theatre room as they put me to sleep just sobbing. I was discharged the same day and went home.

I had the worst Christmas of my life & felt extremely depressed. I never had counselling or any help & looking back now I wish I did. I then spent the next 6 months being obsessed with getting pregnant then in May 2012 I found out I was expecting again.

On Saturday 12th January 2013 I gave birth to our beautiful daughter Isabelle.

In May 2014 we decided to try for baby number 2. I found out I was pregnant in September 2014. My pregnancy with Isabelle I felt very anxious because of the miscarriage & this pregnancy I felt the same. I frequently spoke to Tony about how anxious I was but I guess there's nothing anyone can say to you other than just try and relax.
I woke up one Saturday morning to find I was spotting, I instantly panicked & thought because of the first time it must be bad! I also felt extremely sick but was taking this as a good thing. I could also feel a funny pulling sensation on just my right lower tummy so that night we went to A&E to get it checked. I had my bloods taken &  waited to see the doctor. The doctor called me in. I explained what was happening. He said he wasn't concerned of it being ectopic but my pregnancy hormone levels had come back quite high. This could be cause for concern. I thought why would this be a concern, surely the higher the better? He told me that for 6 weeks pregnant which I thought I was my hormone levels should be between 1080 - 56500. Mine were 55000 so at the top end. I asked him what he was concerned about. The Doctor asked if I had heard of a molar pregnancy. I hadn't so he said he would get the gynae doctor to explain it.
When the gynae doctor came in he briefly explained that high hormone levels could indicate a molar pregnancy however this is very rare so I had to come back Monday morning to be scanned. I then left the hospital & straight away googled molar pregnancy. I still don't fully know what it's about but I read that when you have the scan it would look like a bunch of grapes!

Monday morning I went to the early pregnancy unit. I had a scan where she told me straight away that it was not molar! Thank god!
I thought I was 6 weeks 5 days now but when the lady measured she said I was only about 6 weeks give or take a day. There was no heartbeat but she said that maybe it was just too early so come back in 10 days to be scanned again. This felt like the longest 10 days of my life. I felt like I couldn't really do anything, like my life had been put on hold. I felt like all positivity had left me & I knew it was all over even though Tony & my family were still trying to be really positive.

I then returned 10 days later to be scanned again. I could see straight away on the screen that there was no change. I should of been 8 weeks by now. I had a scan when I was pregnant with Isabelle at 8 weeks & you could clearly see a small baby but on this scan there was nothing! I knew it was over!
The lady told me it was a miscarriage & took us to another room. The midwife then came in & explained the options. She said I could take a pill, have the operation or let it happen naturally. I said I wanted the operation as I just wanted this over now. I felt like I had had enough. She then went to get the doctor to arrange the operation. When the doctor came in she said that actually she couldn't be 100% sure that it was a miscarriage as the report was inconclusive. I was told come back in another week to be scanned again. I couldn't believe it! She left the room as she could see I was upset & said she would give us a minute.
How could they tell me my baby had gone & now be saying they wasn't sure!
When the Doctor returned I asked to be scanned again that day for a second opinion. She informed me that the consultant had looked at the scan pictures & he agreed that I needed to return in a week.
Before I left the hospital that day they provisionally booked me in for the operation two days after my next scan so they must of been quite sure it wasn't good news.

On the final scan she confirmed it was a miscarriage & I had the operation two days later. What was so difficult between scans was I still felt very pregnant. I felt so sick. It wasn't until after the operation I felt relatively normal.

My daughter Isabelle has made my second miscarriage that bit easier, every day she makes me smile & she is my strength to keep going. One day I will experience great happiness seeing her playing with her baby brother or sister!
My partner Tony has also been incredibly strong through our whole journey. With both miscarriages he has looked after me extremely well. He always puts my feelings before his own & for that I truly love him.

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