There is no community I more desperately wish I wasn’t a member of, yet at the same time there is no better community to be a part of, this community of families living without their children. I have never been a part of a community that is so willing to show up, to support, and to give and nurture as this one. Zephyrs has been a lifeline for me the past two years during which time we have gone through two missed miscarriages, in 2020 and 2021, the devastating death of our daughter Cara who was stillborn at 39 weeks in January this year and then when we thought life couldn’t throw any more heartache at us we had our fourth consecutive loss in May, the loss of our baby boy through another missed miscarriage. From one to one phone calls and zooms with Carly, to monthly support meetings where I can laugh, cry, rant and just be myself with others who just get it, from yoga mornings for bereaved mums to my short lived experience with their pregnancy after loss Hope group Zephyrs has been such a huge comfort to me and one of the few things that has helped to ease some of the terrible pain and grief that comes from the loss of a child or children. Losing our four babies has been in many ways an incredibly isolating time but the love and support at Zephyrs has done so much to alleviate this feeling and I always feel that little bit lighter going to sleep on the first Thursday of every month.

Running 21km without stopping will be a massive personal achievement for me, both physically and mentally. Though I’ve run a couple of these before in a previous life I’ve spent 17 months of the past two years being pregnant, I’ve had 4 surgical procedures for the management of miscarriage and placenta removal and just under 9 months ago I carried our daughter to full term and gave birth to her. These experiences have changed my body exponentially but with no baby brought home to prove why. Losing a baby at any gestation is incredibly damaging for your relationship with your body and when those losses happen over and over again that sense of betrayal and failure becomes more and more compounded. Watching others around you seemingly effortlessly bring babies into the world time and time again only heightens your distrust of your abilities, with the feelings of shame and self-blame made worse by the narrative we grow up with that pregnancy and childbirth are inherently natural and something all women can do if they choose. It has taken a lot of hard work the past few months to even start to begin to forgive, nurture and support my body to get to a place where this 13 miles is remotely possible.

Zephyr's has recently become an independent charity. All of their support services are free to access and they rely solely on donations, sponsorship and fundraising to make this happen. I’m not yet in a position to volunteer to give back some of the emotional support that I have received to other families who sadly continue to join this community every day but running this half marathon to raise some funds and awareness for Zephyrs is a way I can give something back to this community and help ensure that Zephyrs continues to be able to provide this much needed support to Nottingham families in the future.

I am so grateful for any donations, big or small, and if you are about on Sunday do come along and cheer, I’ll need all the support I can!

Jenny