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A year ago, on the 15th of August, was the worst day of our lives. 

In the run up to this date, we had experienced some of the best days of our lives. We found out we were pregnant on the 23rd of June after a long time trying. This would be our long-awaited first child. The moment we saw the positive result on the pregnancy test, we loved them. We were happy, hopeful and excited! But then during the 11th week of our pregnancy things started to slip away and fade to grey. After panicked phone calls and visits to the doctors, we lost our beloved baby through a traumatic and heartwrenching first-trimester miscarriage. 

We had never felt so broken before. The grief was immense but this was due to the sheer amount of love we felt towards our baby, whom we named Jesse. 

We never got to see a picture of our baby as we hadn't quite got to the dating san, we never got to hold our baby, to wean them, to watch them walk, to teach them and see them grow and develop into a wonderful little person. We never got a chance to see who they became as a young adult and prepared them for the big wide world so they could meet someone they loved, move in with them and marry them before one day maybe having children of their own - our first grandchildren. It is a lifetime of pain. One that can never be taken away. No one should have to bury their child.

The journey from that darkness has been long and we would be lying if we said it was easy. We've shared tears, worried about the future and felt the loss of our baby every day since.

This last 12-months has been incredibly difficult with lots of first milestones we had to overcome. The first month since the miscarriage, our first special occasions (birthdays, Christmas, Easter) without our beautiful little baby. The due date came and went and now we are approaching the end of the first year without them. 

We are not the same as the happy-go-lucky and naive people as before all this happened. Grief isn't something you overcome; it doesn't get easier but you do get stronger. 

We love and miss you, Jesse. We hope you are happy and safe, wherever you are.

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