Joanna’s Story

On June 10th, I finally got my positive pregnancy test. After months of trying, we did it! I longed for this moment for sooooo long. My hubby and I were so excited. But that excitement was short lived. Less than a week later, I experienced symptoms that pointed to miscarriage. I’ve never been so devastated. I can’t describe this pain in words so I won’t even try.

The following day, blood tests confirmed it. Two days later, follow-up blood tests told a different story. I was directed to come in for an emergency ultrasound, only to be given no answers.

More blood tests over the next two weeks gave us hope that my pregnancy was healthy and developing! We were cautiously optimistic. I had morning sickness, I felt pregnant… but something deep inside me kept telling me something wasn’t right. I was scared. I was anxious. I was so confused and apprehensive. This wasn’t what I envisioned… I was constantly terrified.

The day before my scheduled ultrasound, my blood test came back with poor results. My heart sank; it knew what my brain and body would not accept. At the ultrasound, the tech was quiet, with the exception of several “uuuuhhhs.” I didn’t hear anything. The silence reverberated in my mind. It was so quiet.

A few long hours later, I was on the phone with my obgyn, who told me that my pregnancy was ectopic. I was given my choices: medication or surgery. My world crumbled in that moment. All of my hopes, crushed. It was over.

I chose medication. Medication that would slowly resolve my pregnancy. That would take my dreams away. That would break me. A chemo-grade medication that restricted every aspect of my life. I had to sit and wait for it to do what it needed to do, to save my life by ending another. In the meantime, no sunshine, no activity, no healthy foods. And more blood tests.

I tried to enjoy the summer. I forced myself to do fun things, only to feel intense side effects… rashes, burns, exhaustion, headaches… my punishment for trying to forget, even for a while.

The first dose didn’t work. My numbers kept rising. If they continued to rise, I would need surgery or risk rupture and life threatening complications. I was given another dose, right before our second anniversary. It started working while we celebrated two years of marriage. I wept all day. Then I got COVID, probably thanks to the medication being an immunosuppressant.

I’m lucky. I’m still here. I haven’t had to endure surgery. I’m not yet done with treatment, so things may change. But this is my story so far. I would have been nearing my second trimester now. My baby would have had a due date of Valentine’s Day. That’s all gone now, slowly and then all at once ripped from me.

I haven’t felt like a human all summer. Just existing, feeling defective. My body failed me. I failed my baby. Again, I can’t describe the agony. But I am forever grateful to those who have supported me and shared in my grief as I have gone through this, because I needed you and you were there. So thank you.

I’ve learned a lot about ectopic pregnancies. It’s a shame we as a society don’t talk openly about this. I don’t want to suffer silently. So here I am, bearing all, to raise awareness. Ectopic pregnancies occur in 1-2% of all pregnancies. They are never viable and they are life threatening.

But most of all, they are traumatizing, soul crushing, and crippling.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust strives to provide information, education and support to those affected by early pregnancy complications and to the health professionals who care for them. Ectopic pregnancy is a common, life-threatening condition that is the leading cause of maternal death in the first trimester of pregnancy. The condition affects around 1 in 80 pregnancies and occurs when an embryo grows outside the womb. The EPT believes that the deaths and trauma associated with ectopic pregnancy should be prevented. We seek to relieve the distress associated with the experience and provide ongoing support through their treatment and beyond. Please support our enthusiastic 80in1 challengers who will be working hard through the month to cover their distance and will be raising crucial funds and awareness for ectopic pregnancies.