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Let's jump for mum!

So most of you know my brother and I very sadly lost our mum far too early at 64. She had life long struggles with mental health. It was very unpredictable and don't get me wrong, our mum had some incredible times living life to the max but when things were bad, our beautiful mum was too scared to talk about it and sadly this ended in her taking her own life. 

She couldn't bare the torture anymore and as my brother and I have grown older, we totally GET IT, more and more in fact than ever before.

I'm no longer ashamed to be writing this and to say that my brother and I have both had our own mental health battles to fight, mainly around anxiety and depression. It's evil darkness took hold! The first thing we did was talk, we supported each other so much and the power of being open and accepting there was a problem and putting our hand up to ask for help, I've realised is actually the bravest and strongest thing either of us could have ever done and although I can't speak for my brother, it has quite literally saved my life! It's about knowing you can get help, trusting in the help and knowing it is possible to recover! I'm definitely living proof of that after having recently spent 3 weeks in hospital trying to recover from my worst episode yet. 

I hit rock bottom last October 2020. I lost full control and was surrendering to the anxiety and depression. My poor husband and dad had to watch their wife and daughter deteriorate and felt it was no longer safe for me to be alone at home! I'll always remember my dad saying to me "I've lost your mum to this illness and I'm not prepared to loose you too" It was the toughest battle I've ever had to fight and there were moments where I too didn't think I could carry on but with the support of all my friends, my wonderful husband, kids, my dad and the rest of my family, my children's school, amazing doctors and nurses and my incredible therapist, I got there and I'm pleased to say I'm now excited to be here to live, breathe and fight another day so for anyone that reads this whom is suffering, IT IS possible, YOU CAN get better you just have to believe it. 

I will always live in fear of the next episode as this most recent one has been the 4th I've been through in my lifetime but never have I been hospitalised before. A lot of you that read this won't have realised and probably think, no way, not Steph, the smiley happy go lucky girl that always seems to have it so together! Thats the scary part about it, people can appear seemingly "normal" on the outside but be suffering immensely and feel so alone on the inside. If reading my story helps even one more person to start talking about how they feel and stop being ashamed of it, then I will feel forever proud and understand that there was a reason I lost my mum and a reason I have suffered what I have. It's helped me become an ambassador for mental health and without having suffered it myself, I could never truly have understood what my mum went through and also forgive her for giving up her fight. I nearly did too! I am so passionate about preventing people from suffering mental illness and I want nothing more than to continue raising awareness around mental wellness, the importance of  talking more and not feeling ashamed about it. Believe you me there is hope and support if you talk, but if you don't, there is nothing, only darkness, my mum is living proof of that! 

So please please, I know we're all skint and bored living through a pandemic, but at least this will give you something to do for a few mins, help me raise some money so more work can be done to fight the mental health crisis this country is facing. I decided to raise money for an amazing charity, MIND, to help with their ongoing work to support people from across the country with counselling, information and generally to help with the prevention of suicide. 

So I teamed up with my brother and decided what better way to test your mental strength and be put in a situation completely out of your comfort zone and harness fear and anxiety than to jump out of a plane! I'm having a panic attack just thinking about it! We are jumping for our mum's birthday to raise money for an area that needs so much more funding. Thanks so much to all my friends and family for helping me through life. I love you all. 

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