I am getting arrested (again) on the 17^th April 2009 all in the good name of The Tullochan Trust. All the monies raised on the day will be split between Tullochan and Cash for Kids.

I have to raise £500.00, however I've set myself a target of £1000 to secure my release on the day (no jokes please about paying to keep me in) and hope that you will all help me achieve this.

My arrest covers the following charges;

1.       Unfair dismissal – the threat of P45’s on a daily basis

2.       Abuse of peroxide and sun beds

3.       The kidnap of Charlie’s pants

4.       Possession of contraband – those cigarettes can’t be legal

5.       Drunk and disorderly – Starting sing alongs in pubs which resulted in the whole of Tullochan staff being barred

6.       Arson – those burnt dinners will lead to a fire one day

7.       Territorialism – relocating to “Kirkmicheal” of all places

8.       Breach of the peace in Glasgow subway stations

9.       Terrorising staff with the threat of a beating with a big stick

10.   Noise pollution - you can hear her from 4 streets away

11.   Sexual harassment of female staff

12.   Neglect – she had her son volunteer for the trust since he was 4 years old and sent him away from home for 3 months

13.   Framing staff for drinking on the job - Sam

14.   Supporting child labour – the amount of jeans you own is ridicules

15.   Being delusional about the size of her chest – you are not Sam or Amanda

Dumbarton's finest Police Officer, Willie Crowe, will handcuff we, throw me into the back of the van before being locked up in jail until I raise the required amount.

If anyone would like to help me out with this I would really appreciate it.