So, where do I begin?

On the 18th of July 2020 something switched, triggered or clicked, I don’t know what it was but as someone with a severe back issue, spinal nerves, spinal disc, nerve damage, constant agonising sciatica, I got one of my old army bags and padded it out with some weight.

Not too much, 20lbs, and I told myself ‘no more barely able to walk 100m without severe pain and having to have a break - my injuries will not control me anymore, I will control them’. 

Off I hobbled to do 1.5miles with said 20lbs in 18 minutes and 23 seconds and I felt great, I felt ownership of my injuries. No longer will they dictate what I can and cannot do.

Where does this tie into Mind and mental health?

I’m going to butcher describing this but I will try and explain as clear as I can. Doing this physical activity clears my head. I am only focussing on what I’m doing and pushing my limits physically.

Again, why does this pertain to mental health?

I suffer quite badly with mental health, what, where and when I cannot put a single event that kind of started this. 

Was it Afghanistan? 

Was it what i have done and seen while in Afghanistan?

Was it being forced to leave a career I thought I belonged to after 10 years? 

Was it being brushed under the carpet but the Army and my regiment?

Was it being forced into ‘civvy street’ with no help or direction?

It all came to a head when, if I recall correctly, summer of 2016.

Feeling lost, feeling worthless, discarded, a failure.

While wearing my Herrick 7 tour t-shirt and combat bottoms I tried to press the delete button.

A broken veteran suicide in this country, shock.

I am given hundreds of pills and more for just my physical injuries so it was easy to try. Obviously the deletion was undone, that charcoal ‘stuff’ I was giving was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted, as a squaddie, you know that saying something.

After fighting with the NHS I went for private counselling in the end.

An example of me fighting with the NHS; the morning after my attempt and I was clear to leave the hospital after having a night of blood tests. I was told I need to go to my GP straight from here and there will be an emergency appointment for you.

I went to my GP’s, queued up for when it opened, and I was told there was no appointment booked and that I will have to try again tomorrow as my situation ‘wasn’t deemed necessary for me to see the GP today and I will have to call in the morning to try and see if there were any free slots’.

So after just treading water, keeping my neck barely above the water I had no choice, no option, no help but to go fully private. Was it helpful? Of course, but such a very costly expense at a time when my pride and joy was born I just couldn’t stay with the private counselling as I had a family to support.

That leads up to the day I decided to get some weight on my back and take control.

----------

Aim:

For all of 2021 any tabs I do I will donate that mileage in pounds. 

So today I done 4 miles so I donated £4. If I do 7 miles tomorrow for example, I donate £7.

These are not just going to be the same session over and over again. 

I want to challenge myself - I may do a non-stop tab from Leicester to Manchester or Skegness, thats approx 80 miles so then I will donate £80.

If you would like to keep up to date and see current updates on my sessions - Instagram: @mynameisjaygeesee

For those that would like to donate - please do. I would really like to raise £2000 in total really.I want to try and raise and match my own £1000 throughout the year. 

If somehow what I do can help at least one person talk (cliche coming), to open up about their issues then it will be all worth it. 

----------

From Mind:

£20 - could run our online community, Side by Side, for an hour, helping people feel less alone.

£50 - could help us campaign for better mental health services from the government.

£100 - could pay for one of our infoline advisors for a whole day, helping people find vital support and information.

----------  

Lastly from me, I am a broken shell of the man I once was, both physically and mentally however I want to help. 

I want it to be out there that its ok to not be ok.

Daily I suffer with anxiety, hyper vigilance, loud noises putting me on 'ready mode', insomnia, emotional numbness and depression.

Please, if you feel anything like the above I implore you to just talk, talk to your family, your friends, or if you would like, you can always reach out to me.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Justin.

Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving - they'll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they'll send your money directly to the charity. So it's the most efficient way to donate - saving time and cutting costs for the charity.