In summer 2022, we discovered that my younger sister Hannah was struggling with an eating disorder which was later diagnosed as Anorexia Nervosa by the Eating Disorder Service. Perhaps ignorantly in the media, eating disorders have been consistently portrayed as attention seeking or failed diet attempts undertaken by vain individuals. However, many people overlook the fact that eating disorders are largely a trauma response and come from the deepest feelings of powerlessness and lack of self-worth, as is the case with my sister. Sadly, in September 2019 our Grandad who had previously been diagnosed with vascular dementia took a turn for the worse and had to be placed into a nursing home following a seizure at home that Hannah witnessed. In 2021, unexpressed feelings about our Grandad meant Hannah began running to try and alleviate some of her depressive thoughts and anxiety, but this very quickly became a compulsion; running 7 days a week in all weather conditions and even when injured, hitting a minimum of 25,000 steps every day. This then began to also affect her eating habits, she would have the same ready meals every week for over a year and would not allow herself to have a drink until 5:00pm (which even included water). This compulsion was never about looking a certain way, as even at her lowest weight Hannah hated the way she looked. Instead, Hannah viewed her eating disorder as the only thing she had control over, by being so consumed with calories and exercise she didn’t have to think about anything else.

I strongly believe that not many people are fully aware of how life destroying eating disorders, specifically restrictive ones can become, myself included pre my sister’s diagnosis. Hannah’s world has come shattering down, her BMI is so low that she is legally no longer allowed to attend university or learn to drive. I now also live with my Nanna permanently so that Hannah can sleep in a bigger bed at home as the starvation induced by her eating disorder has resulted in sleep deprivation. Hannah is no longer allowed to exercise as she bears the risk of collapsing or breaking a bone, as she is currently waiting for a bone density scan to identify the possible long-term infractions of her restriction such as osteoporosis.

I’ve decided to run for BEAT, a charity that provides everything I find important in fighting an eating disorder: a national helpline to encourage and empower people to get help quickly because
the sooner someone starts treatment, the greater their chance of recovery. They also support families equipping them with essential skills and advice, so they can help their loved ones recover whilst also looking after their own mental health and finally they campaign to increase knowledge among healthcare professionals and for better funding for high quality treatments.

I am definitely no Mo Farah, but my sister is my best friend and I definitely don’t want her to feel like she is facing any of her personal challenges on her own. Perhaps what inspired me the most to take part in a half marathon is a quote from ‘Rehabilitate, Rewire, Recover’ a book by Tabitha Farrar, an eating disorder recovery coach who recovered from anorexia herself, as she states ‘want to talk about mental strength? Ask someone who has fully recovered from anorexia. Ask someone who had to live within their greatest fear before their brain stopped perceiving it as a threat. Ask someone who stood with their hand in the fire and didn’t move away from it for months. Ask me what it was like to keep eating despite being petrified of the weight I was gaining. It is hard to think of any other life situation that requires a person to sustain a place of intense fear for the sort of time period that anorexia recovery requires. A fear of one’s own body is different from most as it is not a fear that one can step away from physically. We get to stay there with the fear until we can step away from it mentally.’ This quote perhaps highlights just how much of a battle eating disorder recovery can be for a sufferer, and I see this everyday in the way my sister struggles having to actively choose to go against thoughts that to her were a coping mechanism for so long. That’s why I have decided to take part in the world’s biggest half marathon in September, ‘The Great North Run’, to illustrate to my sister that she is not alone in her fight. As Tabitha Farrar suggests I will never be able to build the same ‘mental strength’ that Hannah will in her fight against anorexia but I will be able to show her in my training and completion of the marathon that things that once seemed impossible to us can be achievable and although challenges are perhaps a marathon when we would rather they be a sprint, crossing the finish line is so worth the struggle.