In November 2016 I gave birth to my second child, from very early on I struggled with the transition between having one child to two. I thought the feelings I had were normal so just got on with it. I felt as though every other mam around me was doing a great job and it came naturally to them however I was the worst mother in the world because I felt as though I couldn’t cope with my own children. I was constantly breaking down; the
feelings were relentless and did not get any easier. I googled post-natal depression a few times but did not want to admit it. I just carried on and didn’t tell anyone. Things got worse and although I knew I was lucky and had everything I could ask for, two beautiful children, a loving husband, great family and friends, a nice home and a good job I did not want to be here, it was a battle to get up and face the day.

In January 2018 I returned to work after maternity leave however the added stress was the strawthat broke the camel’s back. I became so much worse, at my lowest; I suffered
significant memory loss and could barely speak without breaking down. I am a very organized person however I could not even write a simple shopping list. Mylevels of concentration were very poor and my confidence was rock bottom. One day I put my baby in the car to go somewhere and ended up somewhere completely different with no recollection how had got there. I knew at that point that I needed to seek help; I couldn’t hide it any more.

That’s when I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety. I was prescribed medication and advised to undertake counselling. Due to support I received from friends and family, mostly my sister as well as some support from work I was able to start the road to recovery. I found that talking about my feelings, being very open about my mental health and not trying to hide it was a vital. I completed my counselling and gradually built my confidence back up.

Last month I successfully completed my Initial Crime investigators’ Development Programme at work and became a fully qualified detective. If someone had told me that Iwould be sitting here qualified last year I would not have believed it. (as I struggled to pick up the ingredients I needed to make a simple spaghetti bolognaise) I hope that my story raises awareness and shows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and there is help available. I am very passionate about people being
able to talk openly about mental health issues without being worried about the stigma attached.

To raise awareness I have decided to take part in a charity skydive for MIND.

Thanks for reading xxx

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