This is such a difficult thing to write about, but I want to raise awareness pregnancy loss because it is difficult, it is so common and talking about it needs to be normalised. 

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 80 are an ectopic. I didn't understand what an ectopic pregnancy really was until after I had one. 

The picture of us on the page is the day we moved out of London with all the excitement of moving somewhere different with space for Lyra and our new baby who was already so loved. It was also a day that I had ignored a severe amount of pain, pushing it aside as just early pregnancy feelings. This is so often what women are told to do because it can be 'normal in pregnancy' or it's just your 'normal menstrual cycle'. This messaging is seriously unhelpful.

When I started bleeding later that week I was devastated, I couldn't go into hospital because I had covid and so had to make the assumption I was just having a miscarriage that would pass. The advice was, "you can come in for a scan when you're covid free or you can just take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks time to confirm that you are no longer pregnant". I am so glad I stuck with my gut feeling and went for a scan a week later. 

I went into hospital with my coat and car keys thinking I'd get some bad news confirmed and go home. By that time I was bleeding internally as my fallopian tube had ruptured and was not allowed to leave hospital until I had surgery. There was no choice, no time to consider anything, just managing that you've lost something you were so hopeful for and the additional trauma of dealing with your own mortality on the side. 

The clinical staff at hospital were amazing and it's incredible to see all of the different teams work together to get you to surgery and make sure you are safe. They do not have the time, funding or resources to do much else on top of that. I had no access to any mental health support or any resources around what had just happened and left hospital the morning after my surgery.

I found the ETP site about a week later and just being able to see other stories and accounts of how people were getting on in the weeks/ months afterwards was so helpful. I have cried down the phone to a lady from EPT when I felt so awful and just having someone who has been through it there with you made a difference. I am so lucky to be able to afford private counselling, but I still needed the EPT and there are so many others that are so reliant on these charities to support us. 

I would love to see all hospitals providing guidance to people on the charities and support they can access. I know the ETP and lots of others provide resources, but even if hospitals can't store those, then just telling people what is out there in a moment of crisis. 

The months after physical recovery have been the hardest time in my life, I'm not yet back to being who I was before and maybe never will be and that's ok. For those people that didn't know this before, please feel comfortable to talk to me about it if you want to. If you don't know what to say to me or to anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss before you can just say "That is really hard and a really awful experience". That is generally all most people need to hear.

So here we are, we are raising awareness and money for a charity I never expected to use but am so so grateful exists. I am also doing this as a positive way that I can remember our baby. 

If you feel you are able to donate please do. There is currently a cost of living crisis so please do not donate if you are not able to and instead share this page/ talk about these issues openly. Or join us for one of our activities over August! I might even try to include paddle boarding on the river in my miles.

About the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust (EPT):

Ectopic pregnancy is a common, occasionally life-threatening condition that affects around 1 in 80 pregnancies. Put very simply, it means an out-of-place pregnancy. 

We are the only charity that focuses on ectopic pregnancy to provide such extensive general information and peer support for anyone that has experienced the condition. There is a crucial need for The EPT. When someone has a suspected ectopic pregnancy or is diagnosed with the condition, they and their partners have many questions and worries. We are here to provide those affected with somewhere to go, providing information and support. People gain comfort from being among others who had had a similar experience and many healthcare professionals signpost families to our services so that we can be there in the days, weeks, and even months ahead.

For more information about the EPT80in1 Challenge please take a look at our website:

https://ectopic.org.uk/ept80in1-challenge