As a challenge to myself and raise awareness of dementia and the effect it has on family and friends, I am running the Great South Run on 21st October 2018. . I am attempting to run the 10 miles in 100 minutes, for those good at maths, yes that’s 10 minutes a mile!!!! On the basis I am overweight and massively unfit, it will be a challenge and fairly painful!! So in preparation for this, I am on a diet and running and training with PT sessions with an ex-SAS chap, who seems to want to kill me with my own muscles (or lack of), so the pain has already begun!

The story behind my family’s  experience is below:

My 82 year old mother Daisy 'Jean', has had dementia for about 10 years. I estimate as its difficult to know the start. At first, she was able to pass it off as a lapse of memory, or forgetfulness and nobody paid much attention to it. I remember clearly though a couple of incidents over a few days when mum asked me where the bread was (it’s been in the same bread bin for 40 years) followed by if her mum was still alive.. At this point we knew something was wrong. Not only was mum unsure, but also she couldn’t logic that if her mum was alive, she would have been about 106 years old. We asked the doctor for a test and it confirmed it. We still weren't 100% sure, mainly as mum argued with the doctor that she didn’t have dementia! Dad was keen that it made no difference to life either way and that we would all just get on with it. Stiff upper lip and all that.. and for a while it seemed the same. Mum was forgetful and dad would cover, support etc.. but what wasn't clear, was the toll it was having on dad’s health. Dad, of course, was supporting not only the home, but also mum’s mental health. Dad is 84. I offered help many times, visits, calls, or from social care, support, anything really, but it was always 'we're fine' etc. I organised all they would let me, cleaners, gardeners to lighten the load. Dad also attended some local sessions on carers for dementia. Unfortunately, my parents are of the generation that won't ask for help, won't accept it if you offer it, and you have to prise true feelings out, with a crowbar!!!!!

Father’s day 2015, 8:30am. My family and I were due to travel up to see Mum and Dad, and I called ahead to ask if there was anything I needed to bring for the father’s day meal.... mum answered the phone hysterical...dad was collapsed on the sofa, had taken some tablets and mum being both confused and scared couldn't work the phone and hadn't thought to go to the neighbours for help. It was clear that Dad had been this way for some time and mum didn't know what to do. I told her to get off the phone and open the front door ready. I called the Ambulance and drove the 1 hour to where they are.. On arrival the ambulance crew were treating Dad for an overdose of what they thought was codeine, based on what they had found in the house. They then took him to hospital. In A&E the doctor told me it was actually co-codamol. The paracetamol level was a lethal dose. Based on the timing he estimated that Dad had about 1 hour left before it would have been untreatable. Had I phoned a little later, it would have already been too late. It was clear dad had taken the tablets in desperation, as a cry for help. Unable to hide it now it was in the open, and with care in the home already rejected, I had to make the decision that mum needed to move into a care home. Possibly the hardest decision of my life. One of those things you promise your mum, as a son, never to do. 

My mum and dad now live apart and although they do meet, it leads to confusion from mum and tears all round that they cannot be together. Even now though, you could meet mum, chat, catch-up and on some days, you would hardly know she has it... Other days, she confuses who everyone is and gets angry, demands to go home, without knowing where home is...such is the disease. I am conforted a little that she’s in a lovely home, with people that care for her and bring a smile to her face each day, so that she feels safe and comfortable.

Mum and Dad have just recently celebrated their Diamond Wedding Anniversary, 60 years as a couple, with a celebratory telegram from the queen, unfortunately the last 3 years physically apart, but still in love.

Essentially this nasty disease has massively impacted many lives, although technically only mum was 'ill' at the start. You can understand why I hate this disease and why I have therefore chosen to fundraise for a charity that not only supports people with dementia, but that is committed to getting rid of this disease forever.

I'd appreciate it, if you could donate, any amount and support this cause. Every pound is a punch to Alzheimer’s and dementia... I'd like to give it a good kicking....!!!!!

Mark