MB On The Run With Tommy
Michael Bligh is raising money for Tommy’s, the pregnancy and baby charity
Team: Team fundraising for Tommy’s, the pregnancy and baby charity
Story
Please read -
“4 years later it still feels like yesterday. Listening to call bells, telephone ringing scanner at my bedside, registrar scanning my tummy. I was in room 9 there I lay. I'm trying to stay professional in my role. I was a maternity support worker.
This felt different
My baby was no longer moving like all my previous scans. I couldn't see the heartbeat beating, neither colleagues could find the fetal heart on my baby so the plan was to book an emergency scan in the morning when the day staff come in at 9am.
The wait was excruciating, it was only 1 hour to wait but felt like 8.
As I lay on the bed praying / hoping miraculously my baby had somewhat started to wriggle.
I held my coordinators hand who had stayed past her 12 hour shift to be with me to hear those dreaded words that 1/4 women hear.
"I'm so sorry your baby has gone"
As I shriek I knew deep down?
As I scream I still couldn't believe it,why me?
Why anybody?
This was the worse moment of our lives and the day our lives turned upside down and changed forever.
Helping a bereaved parent as my job is 1 thing but being 1 yourself is next level.
I felt like I had failed as a mother, and that I had not only let my husband down but our 2 other children down who was longing for a sibling. I felt it was my fault that my body had failed us for our 3rd child.
Letting my colleagues care for me in labour was somewhat comforting to me however extremely hard for them to stay professional when it's my place of work that I had worked for years. I was now on the labour ward handover in the bereavement suite letting everybody know my baby was born but not alive.
24 hours past incredibly quickly not much sleep was had by us as tears was streaming down our faces most of the night wishing things had been different alresdy but it was far to late.
I got my discharge paperwork as I kissed my baby 1 last time as she lay so peacefully.
Both George & myself placed 2 small hearts in the palms of her tiny hands and said goodbye. We left the room with nothing but an empty box with leaflets in and a keyring with the 2 hearts missing from each keyring as Ella was gripping them tight.
That was our keepsake.
The pain walking off the ward without my baby was an undescribable pain which felt I was trying to learn to walk for the first time.
The journey from then on was slow to recover, my job became increasingly difficult setting off triggers that once was never an existance and I no longer could perform and complete all jobs that was asked of me so I knew I had to leave.
Whilst the days, weeks, months and years fly by our family will never feel complete without our little girl.
Life simply carries on and everyone around it seems they forget but for a bereavement family time stands still and the pain never fades it slowly gets easier to hide emotions.
Ella Rose 30/01/2021”
Each step of the London half marathon will be for a great cause close to my family and this story motivates me to make a small difference. All donations are warmly received ❤️🫶🏼🖤
“4 years later it still feels like yesterday. Listening to call bells, telephone ringing scanner at my bedside, registrar scanning my tummy. I was in room 9 there I lay. I'm trying to stay professional in my role. I was a maternity support worker.
This felt different
My baby was no longer moving like all my previous scans. I couldn't see the heartbeat beating, neither colleagues could find the fetal heart on my baby so the plan was to book an emergency scan in the morning when the day staff come in at 9am.
The wait was excruciating, it was only 1 hour to wait but felt like 8.
As I lay on the bed praying / hoping miraculously my baby had somewhat started to wriggle.
I held my coordinators hand who had stayed past her 12 hour shift to be with me to hear those dreaded words that 1/4 women hear.
"I'm so sorry your baby has gone"
As I shriek I knew deep down?
As I scream I still couldn't believe it,why me?
Why anybody?
This was the worse moment of our lives and the day our lives turned upside down and changed forever.
Helping a bereaved parent as my job is 1 thing but being 1 yourself is next level.
I felt like I had failed as a mother, and that I had not only let my husband down but our 2 other children down who was longing for a sibling. I felt it was my fault that my body had failed us for our 3rd child.
Letting my colleagues care for me in labour was somewhat comforting to me however extremely hard for them to stay professional when it's my place of work that I had worked for years. I was now on the labour ward handover in the bereavement suite letting everybody know my baby was born but not alive.
24 hours past incredibly quickly not much sleep was had by us as tears was streaming down our faces most of the night wishing things had been different alresdy but it was far to late.
I got my discharge paperwork as I kissed my baby 1 last time as she lay so peacefully.
Both George & myself placed 2 small hearts in the palms of her tiny hands and said goodbye. We left the room with nothing but an empty box with leaflets in and a keyring with the 2 hearts missing from each keyring as Ella was gripping them tight.
That was our keepsake.
The pain walking off the ward without my baby was an undescribable pain which felt I was trying to learn to walk for the first time.
The journey from then on was slow to recover, my job became increasingly difficult setting off triggers that once was never an existance and I no longer could perform and complete all jobs that was asked of me so I knew I had to leave.
Whilst the days, weeks, months and years fly by our family will never feel complete without our little girl.
Life simply carries on and everyone around it seems they forget but for a bereavement family time stands still and the pain never fades it slowly gets easier to hide emotions.
Ella Rose 30/01/2021”
Each step of the London half marathon will be for a great cause close to my family and this story motivates me to make a small difference. All donations are warmly received ❤️🫶🏼🖤