*Update* - On the 14th October I tackle my longest running event yet, The Maverick X Series! 56km around the Jurassic Coast. Just less than a month out from Ultra X England. I'm nervous as the elevation gain is high and the route looks far more technically challenging than previous with stricter checkpoint cut-offs. But I feel mentally and physically prepared and with all of you supporting me as you have I couldn't think of a better team to have behind me.

It will have been 4 months since the ankle fracture and while I can't say I am quite running the same that's not dampening my spirit and I am still eager to keep exceeding my £1,000 target for Notts SVSS!

Thanks to those who have supported already - grateful in so many ways.

The Miles

My most recent running event saw me tackle my second Ultra marathon both of the year and like, EVER. This time the Ultra X 50 in England (in Edale). In all my wisdom I didn't read the preparatory materials all too well and  prepared for a 1,900ft elevation gain however, 5 miles in realised this was actually just under 8,000ft of elevation! Slight under-prep but a brilliant challenge nonetheless. Just a week after the elation of GNR I felt ready. One of the hardest routes I have ever run, yet one of the most fun. If it ever felt "too much" I'd remember the great cause I was running for and that I had the strength to get to the end in the face of all that I've been through. It took me just over 9 hours. That's a long time to be on your feet, but also a long time to be smiling - my cheeks hurt! 

On Sunday September 10th I ran the Great North Run Route for a second time. While the miles were a little short in comparison to my Spring races the GNR comes just 3 months after the avulsion fracture on my left ankle which took some pretty tough rehab both physically and mentally.

On Sunday May 7th 2023, I ran the Ultra X 50 in the Scottish Highlands. 50 kilometers. 31 miles. 1,381 meters of elevation. This was my first Ultra marathon and offered just 5 weeks respite since the Paris marathon I ran on Sunday April 2nd. My first marathon, run in 04:09:37. 26.2 miles. 42 kilometers. Coming out of that race, having known and gone through everything that I have over the course of the past 4 months, I felt like I was strong enough to do anything.

In mid-December 2022 I was sexually assaulted by two men. Since then I've been through a myriad of emotions and irrational thoughts and doubted I could do the marathon. But at times I used that to fuel me more.  

I reached out to some of you and asked for a song choice to cheer me along, a lot of you asked who I was fundraising for and if I had a link. I didn't - but I thought retrospectively, there is nothing wrong with sending one - now that I've done it.

*Upcoming*

• 24th September 2023: Robin Hood Half (13.1 miles) - DEFERRED
• 14th October 2023: The Maverick X Series, Jurassic Coast (34.7 miles)

*Past*

• 2nd April 2023: Paris Marathon (26.2 miles) - COMPLETE
• 5th May 2023: Ultra X Scotland (50 kilometers - did 60 as got lost) - COMPLETE
• 21st May 2023: Hackney Half (13.1 miles) - COMPLETE
• 4th June 2023: Derby Ramathon (13.1 miles) - DEFERRED
• 10th September 2023: Great North Run (13.1 miles)
• 17th September 2023.: Ultra X England (50 kilometers)

The Why

Running is a healthy form of escape for me, therapy perhaps (though never a replacement for it) and considering recent events (detailed below), it's enabled me to reignite and surface a strength I thought was no longer there. If I can use that strength and that passion and channel it into raising money for an organisation that has listened, supported and believed in my experience then here goes...  

Trigger warning

TW: the following touches upon themes of sexual violence If you have been triggered or need support I have added in some contacts for organisations/resources below.

I appreciate for some of you the information detailed below may be shocking and upsetting to read. I assure you, while much of it is still raw and recent, I am being supported. It's not been an easy road, and it likely won't be for some time, but running and keeping active has been my saving grace, and I want to use that as an opportunity to give back.

Nottingham SVS & My Story

The most common crimes in Nottingham are sexual and violent offences, with 14,907 offences alone occurring during 2022. Unfortunately on 17, December 2022, I became one of Nottingham's statistics. And, unbelievably, not for the first time. 

While my experience is unique to me, this narrative is staggeringly similar for many women, men and non-binary genders - not just in Nottingham but nationwide. In reality these stats are far worse than that above (14,907) because they only represent what has been reported. Not only does sexual violence have the worst conviction rate of violent crimes in our society, it is also the most underreported.

The first time I encountered Nottinghamshire Sexual Violence Support Services (SVS) was in 2009. Back then, they were known as the Nottingham Rape Crisis Centre. After experiencing a drink spiking  I was later followed from my walk out of the bar until I became unconscious and was sexually assaulted. A strange way of looking at this, but I counted myself "lucky" on this occasion as I had no conscious memory of what had happened although my body held the physical memory and imprints of what had.

I reported it, yet no perpetrator, charge or conviction ever occurred. The case wasn't moving forward and that man got away with what he did to me that night. 

My experience with Notts SVS in 2009 was short and miles apart from that of 2022. Back then I only encountered them at the point of reporting. Having examinations and minimal talking appointments. I highlight this because it goes to show just how important their fundraising and funding is as it's helped them get to where they are now.

It's sad that we should need such a service. But personally I am full of gratitude that we do. 

Not so long ago, December 2022 I encountered Notts SVS for a second time. This time, I honestly think if it hadn't been for the support, belief, time and patience that they invested in me I wouldn't have had the strength to report and pursue legal action against my attackers.

Not everyone reports their experience.

Contrary to popular belief rapes and sexual assaults don't happen when women are walking alone at night or when we're dressed provocatively - but we should be able to do either of those things without fear of that happening. 

When I sat with the nurse and counsellor from Notts SVS after what had happened to me, I was full of self-blame and guilt. Wondering what I had done to encourage two men to take advantage of me in this way. I was in a house. I was around friends of friends, people I thought I could trust and now I was full of fear.  

As a victim it is so difficult not to blame yourself and think of what you could have done differently, especially learning to live with a fear which may dilute at times, but won't ever go away - but through support from SVS and their partners I am finding ways to work through it, and find ways I may be able to live with it.

Women who have been sexually assaulted know they will likely be let down by the system; they know that 99 per cent of cases do not move forward, so they don’t come forward, and then men continue to get away with sexual violence yet through Notts SVS I gained some confidence to pursue. 

I want to raise funds to help them continue and grow the support they can provide. In some circumstances for a couple of services myself and others require, waiting lists are up to two years long.  A huge reason funding is so vital highlighting just how much this service is depended upon, whether therapy, criminal justice support, drop-in sessions or counselling. 

I hope my story, while a solemn one gives some hope to survivors.  Having got through Paris and running 26.2 miles given all I have experienced recently - the depression, the panic, the anxiety, the physical scars I am so proud of myself and while the road to recovery is long - completing a marathon has made me feel far stronger!

Nottingham SVS are not part of the police, NHS or any other public service. They are a Registered Independent Charity that has been supporting survivors of sexual violence for over 40 years in Nottingham and Nottinghamshire

Helpful links, numbers & resources

• The Topaz Centre (Nottinghamshire Sexual Assault Referral Centre) for Adults
  
  Adults: 0800 085 9993
  
  https://www.topazcentre.org/


• East Midlands Children and Young Persons Sexual Assault Service (Children and Young Person’s SARC)
  
  All Children and Young People aged 17 and under: 0800 183 0023
  
  https://www.emcypsas.co.uk


• 24 Hour Domestic & Sexual Violence Helpline
  
  0808 800 0340
  
  
• The Health Shop
  
  0115 9475414
  
  www.healthshopnottingham.co.uk


• National Stalking Helpline
  
  0808 802 0300


• Victim Support
  
  0808 16 89 111


• NHS 111
  
  111 (NHS non-emergency number)


• Nottinghamshire Victim CARE
  
  0300 303 1967
  
  0800 304 7575


• Samaritans
  
  116 123
  
  www.samaritans.org


• Nottinghamshire Police
  
  101 For all non-emergency calls
  
  999 for emergency calls


• Crime stoppers
  
  0800 555 111


• Juno Women’s Aid
  
  (Support for women experiencing domestic abuse. LGBT+ friendly)
  
  0808 800 0340 – Free phone 24 hour
  
  0115 9475257 – Nottingham Office
  
  0808 8000341 – Text line
  
  www.junowomensaid.org.uk


• Equation
  
  (Includes Nottingham/shire domestic abuse support service for men. LGBT+ friendly)
  
  0115 9623 237
  
  www.equation.org.uk/


• 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line
  
  This is run through Rape Crisis England & Wales and provides support to those aged 16+ of any gender
  
  0808 500 2222
  
  www.247sexualabusesupport.org.uk


• Nottingham/shire Stalking Advocacy Service
  
  You can self-refer to the Stalking Advocacy Service for support, advice, and safety planning by calling:


• Men’s Helpline: 0800 9956 999 (operated by Equation)
• Women’s Helpline: 0808 800 0340 (operated by Juno Women’s Aid)

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