It can be hard to spot, most of the time I was always smiling, but in great pain beneath the surface. Twice, depression tried to kill me, tried to make me think that I wasn’t good enough, that I was a failure and didn’t deserve to live. I am lucky to be able to describe these things, as I got help, I couldn’t carry on as I was, it was either get help or kill myself. I have 3 wonderful beautiful healthy kids that would have lost their father, parents, wife, sisters, that would have lost their son, husband, brother. They would have been left with so many unanswered questions, as the first time I was suicidal I had left the house with the intention of not coming back. I took no phones with me, and left no note. Depression is not something to joke about, suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. I will happily help anyone that is feeling suicidal, I know how conflicting the thoughts can be, I was literally at war with myself. Thankfully, I got help on both occasions, and with the right medication and support, recovery from depression is possible, even when it feels like there is no hope. #suicideprevention

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