During early 2013, my family realised that I was struggling.  Struggling to have a relationship with food that was healthy.  Control and restrictions over my food was a daily habit with the persistent fear that I was going to become overweight by eating something that wasn't a 'safe option'.  It was then I was diagnosed with Anorexia.

This mental disorder played a huge part of my life, and still during recovery, I find some days very difficult.  Anorexia is not just an eating disorder.  It effected me socially and mentally, as well as physically.  Struggling to communicate with the closest of friends and being able to hold a conversation became particularly challenging.  There wouldn't be a day that went by where I wouldn't worry about the number of calories I had eaten or whether I had eaten too much.  Quite commonly linked with anorexia is body dysmorphia which fuelled the E.D in my head.  Telling me that I didn't look a certain way and how I can't eat something otherwise it would make me look worse. Justification as to why I could eat was needed with every meal.

The physical effects of anorexia on my body was obviously the apparent weight loss, looking very pale and tired, but also the feeling of being forever cold, especially in my hands and feet.  My lack of energy was a major frustration as I was trying to progress with my horse riding but quite frankly I didn't have enough inside to sustain this.

Through seeking the help of a specialist dietitian, therapist and hypnotherapist, I started my journey of recovery.  Even though I would say that I am not fully recovered yet, the support network that I have has enabled me to be in a better position which I am more aware and mindful of E.D.

My confidence has greatly increased and I now feel like I can talk to people.   I am now competing at the most competitive level yet at Dressage which is my main passion.  Within the last year I have found a love for weight training under the instruction of a  PT.  This has not only given me the physical benefits, but also aided my mental strength as well.  There is no way would I have had any confidence to walk into a busy gym 4 years ago!

Undoubtedly, my family have been at the forefront of my recovery.  Without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am today and when times are tough, they are the ones who I turn to...they are my everything.

The biggest part that I have learnt during my recovery is that; 'Those who surround you, love you for who you are.  Not for what you look like, but for you just being that happy, compassionate and bubbly Sophie.'

Support for eating disorders charities, such as Beat is essential.  They help to educate the general public on how an eating disorder is far more than just not eating. It's a physical, mental and social disorder that takes hold of most aspects of your life.  Thus, myself and mum will be participating in Beat's talk and walk around Norwich to help raise awareness and support for such a sought-after charity. 

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