In August 2004 i became pregnant with my first child. Whilst being shocked and scared me and my boyfriend (husband now) were also VERY excited. We started buying lots of clothes and nappies and all the things that new parents to be do. On Jan 10th 2005 we found out we were having a boy, eeekkkkk this was getting so exciting, we were having a son!!! I imagined him at two or three with brown cutain hair like his dad had when he was little. He would be my new best friend, i couldnt wait. We decided on the name James as this had been my favourite name ever since i had a doll called James when i was younger. Everything was going just fine, all scans/midwife appointments were fine and we usto joke how my pregnancy was so textbook. On Friday 22nd April 2005 (at 36 weeks pregnant) Andrew went off to work as normal (afternoons), i remember kissing him goodbye and mentioning that i hadnt felt James move all morning (the way he yawned on the scan with his hands behind his head made me think he was just a lazy monkey). At 9pm i ended up at the maternity ward just because my mum had made me go! The midwife tried to find a heartbeat but couldnt, so a scan machine was called for, wooohoooo i was getting a scan, i really didnt think anything of it and as anyone who has been pregnant will know scans are a rare thing! At 9.25pm a doctor was called for and her words cut through my heart, like the worst pain you could feel ever, 'im sorry, theres no heartbeat, your baby has died'! MY James had died! It was the worst pain. James Owen Cook was born on Sunday 24th April 2005 at 11.30pm weighing 6lb 2oz, he was the most perfect beautiful son i could have ever have wished for. We decided to get married straight away and on the day we booked our wedding we also booked our sons funeral.

On July 14th 2005 Andrew and i were told that there was no reason as to why our son had died, we were just very unlucky, the doctor compared it to a cotdeath which had taken place inside the womb, we would never know why this had happened!!!

Amy Adele Cook was born 11months after James and Jacob James Cook 16 months after that. Both being induced at 37 weeks and both being scanned twice a week throughout my pregnancy, how different things were!

As i write this down almost nine years on with tears falling down my face i urge you to donate just 10p if thats all you can, i have used the Sands helpline when i have felt at my lowest and the support they give is fantastic. No one else seems to understand what your talking about! 

This will be the sixth year we have entered the Big Fun Run and in total we have raised £650 for Sands. Each year we look forward to walking the fun run together as a family, Amy, Jacob, Andrew and i, One day out of the year where i can talk about my first born son without anyone trying to run away or change the subject :( 

The money we raise will continue to promote and fund research that could reduce the loss of babies lives. Furthermore, your generosity will help Sands to continue providing emotional support, comfort and practical help, as well as the many services, such as the Sands helpline, to the many thousands of families who are left devestated when their babies die each year across the UK.



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