Winston would have been 10 years old this year. Every day, when Ric and I wake up, Winston isn’t there. It’s not as all-consuming as it was in the early days and weeks after he died, but we feel it every day. We continue to live with his absence and the grief. So many things are harder. I can’t put into words how much we miss him. But we go on.

Some of you who will be reading this knew Winston. You knew the gorgeous, funny and loving boy who lit up our world, changed us as people and introduced Ric and I to the world of parenthood. You were the people who held us and our families so tightly with your kind words and messages, pre-prepared meals which filled our freezer, your cards, visits, phone calls, fundraisers, hugs, blankets, cash for take-aways, friendship and love in the early weeks after his sudden death. And you continue to support us six years on, along with all the wonderful new people in our lives who never had the chance to meet Winston. And what a 6 years it’s been. I truly don’t know how we and other members of our family would have managed without all your support and love. We are so, so grateful.

For those of you reading this who haven’t been on the full journey with us - Winston died suddenly and unexpectedly from bronchopneumonia in January 2016 a few weeks before his 4^th birthday. Winston loved all things transport related, train timetables, bus numbers, patterns, trains. He loved Mr Tumble, In the Night Garden, the TFL museum, the tube, friends, allergy friendly choc-chip cookies, travel, talking to people on buses, opening cupboard doors, treats, exploring Brockwell Park, swimming, playing, jokes, being cheeky, food, did I mention trains and buses? He was kind and sensitive and he brought an abundance of joy to so many people during his beautiful almost four years long life. 

After a really special and fun family day out, we woke up to find Winston had died in the night.  Our world was smashed to pieces that day and Ric and I have been rebuilding our lives ever since. Something we will continue to do for the rest of our lives. Winston’s brother Frank arrived six months after Winston died and his sister Rosaline was born in 2018. They provide us with the absolute tonic of love, joy, packed lunches, distraction, tantrums, kids parties, wet pants, allergies, trips to A&E, irritatingly catchy kids Spotify choices, tears, hilarious dancing, cuddles and laughter. 

After Winston died, we were supported by Chestnut Tree Children’s Hospice. We had no real comprehension at the time of the tremendous work carried out by children’s hospices like Chestnut. We’d been fortunate to be parents who didn’t need the kind of support they provide.  In those early days and weeks, when Ric and I and the rest of our family didn’t know what on earth we were supposed to do, Chestnut gave us a lifeline. Nothing can prepare you for being a parent - let alone a bereaved one. They helped us arrange Winston’s funeral. They helped us navigate his post-mortem. They fed us and gave us the beautiful Stars Suite where we could be with Winston in the period before his funeral. They have continued to counsel us, and we attend their annual remembrance events with other parents who know the pain and grief of losing a child.

Chestnut helps families like ours and those families who have children with a life-long illness. Their work is extraordinary. So, I’m going to swim - hopefully 3k - but honestly, I’m not even making any promises that I’ll achieve the full 3k. I am going to try my absolute best with the energy that I have at this moment in my life. If you would like to support Chestnut and donate in Winston’s memory that would be wonderful. Any amount would mean the world and truly make a difference to those families who benefit so greatly from Chestnut’s care. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep on….swimming!

Rhi xxx