On Feb 14th 2018 at 8 weeks pregnant, I learned I was suffering my first miscarriage. It was unexpected and totally heartbreaking. 

In May 2018 I experienced a chemical pregnancy - something I've never heard of before but it had offered me a glimmer of hope that I was pregnant again before disappearing as quickly as it had come. 

On 14th December 2018 I underwent surgery because at a 16 week scan for my third pregnancy I learned that the baby had died a couple of weeks earlier without me knowing - a missed miscarriage. I'd gone in hoping to find out the gender of my baby and came out having learned I would not be having this baby after all. It was the hardest year of my live and I honestly had no idea how to pick myself up again and be around all of my lovely friends (many of whom were pregnant) and their gorgeous kids. 

At times I felt sad, angry and depressed but also sometimes happy, resilient and determined to keep enjoying life in any way I could. I found the range of emotions really confusing but following the Miscarriage Association and reading their advice and the experience of their followers made me realise that there is no correct way to feel or to experience the utter heartbreak that is a miscarriage. It helped me to get through when I didn't feel I could talk to anyone.

I'm so incredibly lucky. One year to-the-day after my previous operation, on the 14th December 2019, after a heavily medicated pregnancy, I had a planned c-section and gave birth to my beautiful son, Kit. He's helped to heal so many wounds but I will never forget those losses or the experiences I went through. Pregnancy and motherhood after miscarriage are so tough. I will always be a little bit more terrified that he's not breathing at night because it's so hard to believe that things will go well. 

The Miscarriage Association is there for all of us. The lucky ones who get our happy endings, as well as those who aren't able to have children. I'm so grateful for their support and want to make sure they have the funding they need to help other women to survive these awful experiences.

On July 7th it will be exactly 100 days until the start of Baby Loss Awareness Week 2020. It will cost the Miscarriage Association, a registered UK charity almost entirely funded by donations and individual fundraising, almost £25,000 to continue to offer their high quality helpline services via telephone, email and live chat during those 100 days. That is why we I'm taking part in their Miles that Matter campaign, to raise awareness of the issues surrounding pregnancy loss and to raise funds to ensure that their support workers can continue to be there for those that need them most in the run up to Baby Loss Awareness week.

Please consider making a donation if you can.

Thanks so much!

Tess/Theresa :)