As an advocate for mental health awareness and open conversation around mental health, i recently wrote a contribution for a book on the stigma which still exists around speaking out about mental health struggles. Until the very last minute i was planning to keep it anonymous, until i really forced myself to think about why. Why, when i so passionately believed the words i was writing, and in the cause, was i still so reluctant to put my name to the work?
The answer was an accumulation of different things-in essence it was fear. Fear the piece wouldn't be good enough, and that even if it was goid, it wasn't good enough coming from ME. Fear of other peoples judgements and rejections. I was in an uncomfortable and vunerable position, which i would rather have avoided altogether. So many times people avoid talking about emotional and mental health struggles due to similar things- fear of judgement and being vunerable to rejection/embarassment.
In the end i submitted 3 pieces for the book, all with my name to them. I decided i would spend 2019 exploring situations where i would feel fear and vunerabilty, and share what comes up for me in those moments. I'll be documenting along the way here:
I'll also be raising money for the charity MIND for any generous souls who feel called to donate something ❤
So without further ado, the list goes a bit like this:
I’ve completed my January challenge, which was to make a YouTube video introducing the year of no fear project. For those of you who haven’t seen it, lucky you 😂 In seriousness, it was tricky, confronting my discomfort at seeing myself on camera, being ‘seen’ by others- and potentially judged/ridiculed. I also had to listen to the sound of my own voice, which normally i can’t get enough of, i love talking😂, but on playback sounds hideous to me!
I’m going to attempt yo climb to the top of the Scott Monument in Edinburgh. I’ve tried this before-it ended with Tourists having to help me down from about half way. I don’t do well with heights in general, and if my friends testimony is to be believed it’s also very narrow and steep stairs at the top. Can’t wait.
Taking my first flight in about 8 years. All by myself. I hate flying and usually have to be medicated and mollycoodled all the way, so this will be an intetesting one!
This month I’ll be trying my hand at snake handling. For obvious reasons I’ve avoided this before.
MAY- MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!
May is still to be confirmed, so watch this space!
JUNE- PICTURE PERFECT
Getting real with the photo posting- no Instagram filters, editing, pre-screening or posing.
JULY- PEAK PERFORMANCE
Climbing Ben Nevis- exactly what it says on the tin.
AUGUST- HUMOURESQUE BURLESQUE
I have provisionally agreed to appearing in the burlesque school’s Edinburgh festival show. Possibly the scariest so far 😂
SEPTEMBER- 1/2 (marathon) WAY TO PARADISE
Running the Scottish half marathon. Pretty sure i said I’d never do a half marathon again, so seems like a top idea.
OCTOBER- SWING WHEN YOU’RE WINNING
The bungee swing at Killiecrankie. The no.1 entry for things i would least like to ever do.😭😱
NOVEMBER- GOIN’ UNDERGROUND
Hitting the vaults under Edinburghs Old Town- dark and confined, two of my best favourites.
DECEMBER- THE FAT LADY SINGS
I couldn’t resist that one😂 Public singing- awful for me, and probably not much fun for those listening either.
Can’t wait to get stuck in to all of these, wish me luck!
Thanks for visiting my page!