17/09/2014:

Now than less than a week to go before the run, I can't believe where the time has gone. 

It's not been an easy couple of months and running has been a physical and emotional challenge. I've been trying to achieve 10 mile runs (and then I just kind of hope for the best on the day that my legs don't give way before the last 3 miles!)

While running it's hard not to think about the time that has passed and also thinking about crossing the finish line. 

I signed up for the Half Marathon with hope that something would help Graham pull through. Either in denial or eternally optimistic, I never imagined him not being there waiting at the finish line. To me crossing the finish line will feel like the final goodbye I could never say. 

It has been the support from family, friends and colleagues and the kind words of strangers that have generously donated that have kept me going. 

So thank you to all and wish me luck! 

My Story:

Those who know me will know Graham. For those who don't, he was my step-dad. 

He joined our family when me and my brother were little and to be honest I didn't really know what to think of him at first. He was bold, he playfully took the mick out of friends, was very in your face and was a very big character. But Graham was kind, generous and always looked after me, mum and Josh. 

I will never forget the times he was there for me when I was down and hugged me like only family can. His singing in the car,  his love of the film 'love actually' (and Steven Seagal films) and his dancing around on the Wii to ABBA, determined to beat Mum.

Last November he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Remaining ever optimistic I hoped there would be something that could cure him and that he would be fine. Unfortunately that was not the case.
Because of the size of the tumour and its location, it could not be removed and over time, his body let him down and his memory and speech started to fade. He often knew what he wanted to say but couldn't always get the words out, the tumour caused him to walk slower and lose his strength.

But Graham was always there, still stubborn and funny ever. 

While he underwent treatment we made the most of the time that we had left. Graham and my Mum finally got married after 15+ years together, we celebrated birthdays with all of the family and had one of the best christmases ever. 

But then it stopped.
Last Friday, he passed away. The cancer won.

No one ever tells you how hard it's going to be. But then again, it's not something that's easy to prepare for. But the hardest bit is not only feeling the pain of losing someone and having to say goodbye but feeling the pain of others that have lost someone they loved too. His sons and my brother who have lost a father figure, his grandsons/granddaughter who would talk on the phone to him for hours and play every game under the sun and my mum who has lost a friend, a love, a soul mate. 

Since diagnosis, I've felt helpless. I'm not a doctor or a scientist, I can neither find a cure or fix the pain.
But I want to do something.
To raise money, to make a donation, anything that may make a small difference and my way of saying thank you to Graham for all that he has done for me. 

Now i'm not a runner and have never done a Marathon and have no idea how i'm going to do it especially now that he won't be at the finish line. But in the words of Forest Gump, I just felt like running. And right now I feel like running forever. 

Now I could have just said please donate but I wanted you to know my story, Graham's story and I'm guessing there are millions of people who have battled cancer and are feeling or have felt the pain that we feel now. I want someone to tell me it gets easier?

So that's me, what i'm doing and who I'm doing it for.
If you could make a small donation, I would be eternally grateful. But I understand if you can't. I've been in the same position as you and have been too broke or have donated to another charity etc. So I do truly get it. 

So all I ask if you can't donate is do three things:

Take photos, as many as you can.
For in moments of sadness, through the dark, they remind you of happier times, and of the details that fade with time. 

Be more accepting and don't judge too quickly. 
The amount of times, Graham got scowls, dirty looks and remarks that he looked drunk, when he couldn't help it, were horrible to witness. If you don't know someone, keep and open mind as you have know idea what they're going through / been through.

Laugh and worry less. 
A self-confessed perfectionist I've so easily gotten hung up on the details, have held my self back in case I embarrassed myself.
Now I realise. Who cares? We may not always have as much time as we think so make the most of who we have and what we've got.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

And to Graham, I hope I can do you proud x
 

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