Two weeks prior to the 12th March 2016 we attended a 'normal' 12 week scan full of joy and nervous excitement 😚 only to be told "there's something wrong" and "we're sorry we are seeing something that we don't like to see during a scan". The tears and fear 😰set in immediately and we were ushered away into a 'counselling room' to be told our baby at 12 weeks had a nuchal fold of around 7.5mm (with anything below 3mm being 'normal'). We had no idea what this meant.

The doctor was completely honest with us and told us she was not optimistic from what they'd seen and to be prepared for the worst. 

Emma immediately underwent a CVS. A CVS is used to check for chromosomal deficiencies. This meant that Emma had to have a 9" long needle inserted through Emma's abdominal wall to take blood from within the womb. The pain of that needle on top of everything else she'd just been told must have been unbearable for her. 😥

We were told we'd receive the results in around a weeks time only for us to to get a call within 48 hours. We knew the quick turnaround likely meant it wouldn't be good news. Best case scenario for us would have been Trisomy 21, better known as Down syndrome. Worst case scenario for us would have been Trisomy 18, better known as Edwards syndrome. 🙏🏼

The results came back..... it was Trisomy 18, Edwards syndrome. 💔

We were asked to visit the hospital immediately to discuss with doctors what this meant for us. Trisomy 18 develops when an extra chromosome in the developing baby disrupts the normal pattern of development in significant ways that can be life-threatening, even before birth. If the baby was fortunate to make it to birth it would spend all its time in hospital and potentially only survive a matter of hours, days, maybe even weeks. Again the doctors were honest with us and told us they weren't optimistic the baby would survive through to birth. 💔

Within a week of that news our baby had passed 👼🏼💔😢 We were devastated and the thought of Emma going through what she had broke my heart! We'd tried for 2 years to have another child and in a 2 week period that had all been snatched away from us. I didn't know what I was feeling..... I was numb! 

We were asked to attend the Simpsons ward at the ERI to give birth to our baby on the 12th March 2016. The nurses and doctors on the ward were amazing and I have great admiration for the job they do. They have to deal with devastated parents on a daily basis and I can only assume the things they have to see daily must haunt them as it has us. I pray they are able to go home after a long day at work and forget all about what they have experienced that day. 🙏🏼

I am a great believer that time is a healer but it's still very raw for us. I often think back to the funeral where I had to carry this tiny coffin into the crematorium, a memory that will haunt me forever. I felt it was my duty as Robin’s dad to carry her to her final resting place and hold her tight, letting her know that everything was going to be ok and we’d always be thinking of her.

Some might say we have got over the grief very quick compared to others in our position, the truth is that some days we’re barely hanging on and we also now have Jacob and Dawson to think of so we needed to return to our new 'normal' as quickly as possible for their sake. We still have our moments and we probably always will. 

Dawson is still keeping us all on our toes and keeping us up all night. Jacob is growing up fast which reminds us how quickly life moves on.

Today we remember Robin Gray though, our second child, who along with pieces of our heart 💔 lives in heaven 👼🏼 You are always in our thoughts....... 😘 xxx

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of our family and friends who have supported us over the last 5 years. I'd also like to thank the nurses and doctors at the ERI  Maternity Hospital and the Simpsons Maternity Edinburgh Royal Infirmary for your honesty and for doing all that they could to make the days following our scan as painless as possible.

Lastly I'd like to thank SiMBA, Simpson's Memory Box Appeal and SANDS Lothians children's charities for the unwavering support they provide to parents like us going through the pain the loss of a child brings. 

Keep up the wonderful work you do 👏🏻

SiMBA, responds to the needs of those affected by the loss of a baby. We do this by donating our precious Memory Boxes to maternity and neonatal units so they can be gifted to parents at the time of the loss of their baby. The Memory Boxes are used to capture the most precious memories, time together, for information our website https://www.simbacharity.org.uk The other services SiMBA provide are support groups, online support, events that bring families together to honour their baby; educational study days to support healthcare professionals.