Yeah, yeah, so it's the same old sh*t they all spout on fundraising pages like this.. you know, hiding behind the excuse of “it’s for charity so it’s okay to do something outrageous but fun".

I'm not going to lie. Basically, I want some money from you. Even if you do in turn resent me for taking the pride in raising 'X amount of funds' for a worthy cause, all while you regretfully scrape the remains of your copper jar at the end of the month wishing you'd never bothered.

What the hell am I doing, you ask? I'm punishing my body by making it walk, cycle and kayak 138 miles across the length of the Outer Hebrides in one weekend, which I am sure will remind me how desperately out of shape I am. And if I don't break a bone or drown, then I'll most definitely get eaten alive by midges as that part of the country is rife with them at this time of year, apparently.

So to make it all worthwhile I'm doing it all for Mountain Rescue. And if you're not so keen on charity giving, then why not use it as an excuse to pay to subject me to torture and throw some money in here, or at me if at a close proximity (and with force, if you like) and I'll sort the annoying online transferal process.

And don't feel pressure to donate double figures. As they say on those corny emotionally-blackmailing TV advertisements: every little bit makes the difference!  :-D