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Thank you for taking the time to read this and visit my page.

The one thing I ask is that you read all of this rant, to understand me and my reasons for this ride you need to read until the end.

Anxiety is unfortunatley something that I know far to well, I had my first real experience of panic attacks in my early teens but it was maybe 3 years that I suffered before anyone ever actually told me i was experiencing anxiety/panic attacks, by this point I had already stopped going to school because I couldn't cope with this unkown feeling of fear that I had pop up every day, whether it was in a shop, in the car, public transport, pretty much anywhere you can think of outside of the 4 walls of my house.

For over a decade I continued with these issues, some points were better than others but I lived a very secluded life and eventually became in the strangest of ways comfortable with being anxious, everytime someone would ask me if I was interested in doing something whether it be social or an opportunity at work I would make my excuse and decline, I slipped further into this cycle of avoidance and my world continued to shrink.

The final culmination was at the age of 23 I could barely leave my front door other than to struggle to work, driving a 10 mile journey on back roads and stopping up to 8 times each way purely to deal with the anxiety I was experiencing, in early May of 2013 I said enough was enough, anxiety had pushed me to the point of despair, I had to change, I was overweight at 18st, drank too much alcohol and had a very poor diet, I told myself this change had to happen.

The following day I pushed my very unused cheap mountain bike out of the shed and rode 5 miles, it was a very hard experience to realise I had let things get this bad but I would not be defeated, I rode again and again as the weeks passed, in the july I took what little money I had and bought my first road bike, it was old and in bad condition, my dad gave me the money to have it fixed, this bike then became the platform that change was built on, I lost weight and gained confidence more and more, feeling like I was taking my life back.

In the August my marriage ended, difficult as these things can be it was right to end, the situation was stressful but I refused to lose the ground I had gained and cycling became more of a focus, there was a lot of stress which financially meant I had to move back in with my mum and stepdad but they were as amazing as they always have been and life carried on.

In the December of 2013 I found love again, Catt was my childhood sweetheart from a holiday at the age of 12, we hadn't seen each other in 13 years and she lived 200+ miles away, we met up in Colchester (halfway point) and instantly connected, from this point on we had some highs and lows but just over a year on I had the chance to move to her as a job had come up, I interviewied and was offered a job, this was the hardest decision I had ever had to make, Norfolk for me represented safety, my comfort zone, a place where although I had the anxiety I knew where things were and that kept me in a stage of fear but a known fear.

With the support from family and friends I took the leap and went and although it hasnt been easy with the support of friends and family im not just coping im living my life.

Now this is the part where this will all tie in.....

I would not have survived if it hadn't of been for the people who have supported me, family and friends thats a given but to the councillors, therapists and health professionals who have seen me at my lowest, the reality of it is being that deep into anxiety is one of the most isolating places you could imagine and I want people to know that there is a way out of that hole, people can come through it, yes it may never go completley but there can be quality of living again and who you are now doesn't have to be all you will ever be.

The reason so many people endure this alone is because of fear of acceptance and for many years I would feel like the most worthless person in the world but if you can get past that then there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This is more than just me riding my bike, for me the main bulk of the challenge is going to be facing anxiety every day of this trip, whether it be who am I going to be riding with, where is the nearest toilet, am I going to cope not having people I know around, but if this helps raise money and awareness for people who need help taking their lives back then its worth every second of discomfort on my part!

Thanks and much love 

Michael