natasha's climb snowdon
natasha jones is raising money for Llanelli Mind
In memory of Mark Lewis
Story
On the 18th of April 2016 , we lost a dad to my beautiful 2 children and a loving step dad to one. Porsha was 7 Indie was 5 and Hunter 10 months old . Sadly mental health put a huge strain on our relationship (as well as your normal hick ups) . Weeks leading up to Marks passing we had finished , Mark didn't take it well and his mental health started going down hill.
When Mark and I hit it off in 2010 , it moved fast ,he never left my side and moved in very quickly .Life was great because Mark and I were once childhood sweethearts (or Saturday night partners in crime ha ha ).SO when he finally wanted more I thought I hit the jack pot .My dream man .
Months down the line I noticed he suffered with life and had trouble dealing with things that others thought nothing of .Mark had an accident on a motorbike years before that resulted in him not being able to play football (what he loved and was good at ),he also lost a lot of weight that dented his confidence dramatically. He also would cry a lot after a few beers about people he held close to his heart that had passed .Mark always put him self down and had no confidence what so ever , he would use alcohol to mask his problem ,use it for confidence to say something or to use it to cry .
During our 6 years together I tried helping him in every way possible .I spoke to him about my own demons with mental health and how I had attempted self harm and suicide myself .Mark also watched me go through postnatal depression after our first child together.
But not all our relationship was bad , Mark was a dotting step dad to my eldest daughter Porsha , they got on amazing and he spoilt her rotten . Talk quickly changed to us having another child and not long after we had a beautiful girl Indie in 2011 at home .Awww can see him now , weeks leading up to the birth he was giving the big one..... how he would "handle the birth easy" yes right .....white as a ghost daddy was standing in the corner ha ha . Then in 2016 we seen the arrival of our beautiful baby boy born at hospital needing ICU , Mark being a worrier , he thought of every negative out come possible . That week for him was the worse week to date.
Mark would worry about anything and everything , the anxiety he would have after a night out " what had he said?" " who did he see?" what was he like?" ect would hunt him for days . He would stay in bed for a day fighting his own head, all over a drunk night out .Mark would never say anything sober in which it lend to , when we did have a night out it would pour out of him under the influence of alcohol .That then led it to a bigger problem than it was .He was very protective of me , but also very scared of losing me and as we all know that isn't a good mix to have .Of course the next morning the dreaded mind games would haunt him again.
But Mark wasn't only a good dad , a loving partner he was also a great loyal friend to have . A dedicated and perfectionist worker , plaster by trade .He was an amazing pool player and played with passion. Mark could turn anything into a master piece , Mark had a great eye for detail and always seen things other couldn't. He could make anything or fix anything when he put his mind to it. He took pride in how he looked . always sharp , clean and well presented .He would take longer than me to get ready lol . Also the biggest Osprey fan .
Sadly Mark seen no other option than to take his life on 18th of April 2016 after coming to our house that morning to hug everyone of our children and to tell them he "loves them and never forget it " I watched Mark walk his last walk and this will hunt me for life , but no amount of blame will bring him back .The whys , the what ifs will not give answers either . But hopefully me and my friends taking part and raising money will help another person , another family not go through what we have or help a family that's suffering like we are .
I will be doing this walk up Snowdon on the 1st of July 2018 , this is Marks birthday he would have been 36 years young . So if you would of bought him a pint please donate it here . We cant help him now but I know he would like us to help other alike . Your donations don't need to be huge...... but it will make that little bit of a difference to someone else . If you would like to join me in my journey please contact me .
I have lost a few friend thought this silent illness the last couple of years , I don’t want to lose more .
Thank you for reading our story xxxx
When Mark and I hit it off in 2010 , it moved fast ,he never left my side and moved in very quickly .Life was great because Mark and I were once childhood sweethearts (or Saturday night partners in crime ha ha ).SO when he finally wanted more I thought I hit the jack pot .My dream man .
Months down the line I noticed he suffered with life and had trouble dealing with things that others thought nothing of .Mark had an accident on a motorbike years before that resulted in him not being able to play football (what he loved and was good at ),he also lost a lot of weight that dented his confidence dramatically. He also would cry a lot after a few beers about people he held close to his heart that had passed .Mark always put him self down and had no confidence what so ever , he would use alcohol to mask his problem ,use it for confidence to say something or to use it to cry .
During our 6 years together I tried helping him in every way possible .I spoke to him about my own demons with mental health and how I had attempted self harm and suicide myself .Mark also watched me go through postnatal depression after our first child together.
But not all our relationship was bad , Mark was a dotting step dad to my eldest daughter Porsha , they got on amazing and he spoilt her rotten . Talk quickly changed to us having another child and not long after we had a beautiful girl Indie in 2011 at home .Awww can see him now , weeks leading up to the birth he was giving the big one..... how he would "handle the birth easy" yes right .....white as a ghost daddy was standing in the corner ha ha . Then in 2016 we seen the arrival of our beautiful baby boy born at hospital needing ICU , Mark being a worrier , he thought of every negative out come possible . That week for him was the worse week to date.
Mark would worry about anything and everything , the anxiety he would have after a night out " what had he said?" " who did he see?" what was he like?" ect would hunt him for days . He would stay in bed for a day fighting his own head, all over a drunk night out .Mark would never say anything sober in which it lend to , when we did have a night out it would pour out of him under the influence of alcohol .That then led it to a bigger problem than it was .He was very protective of me , but also very scared of losing me and as we all know that isn't a good mix to have .Of course the next morning the dreaded mind games would haunt him again.
But Mark wasn't only a good dad , a loving partner he was also a great loyal friend to have . A dedicated and perfectionist worker , plaster by trade .He was an amazing pool player and played with passion. Mark could turn anything into a master piece , Mark had a great eye for detail and always seen things other couldn't. He could make anything or fix anything when he put his mind to it. He took pride in how he looked . always sharp , clean and well presented .He would take longer than me to get ready lol . Also the biggest Osprey fan .
Sadly Mark seen no other option than to take his life on 18th of April 2016 after coming to our house that morning to hug everyone of our children and to tell them he "loves them and never forget it " I watched Mark walk his last walk and this will hunt me for life , but no amount of blame will bring him back .The whys , the what ifs will not give answers either . But hopefully me and my friends taking part and raising money will help another person , another family not go through what we have or help a family that's suffering like we are .
I will be doing this walk up Snowdon on the 1st of July 2018 , this is Marks birthday he would have been 36 years young . So if you would of bought him a pint please donate it here . We cant help him now but I know he would like us to help other alike . Your donations don't need to be huge...... but it will make that little bit of a difference to someone else . If you would like to join me in my journey please contact me .
I have lost a few friend thought this silent illness the last couple of years , I don’t want to lose more .
Thank you for reading our story xxxx