Hello everyone.

With tears in my eyes, I get to ask for help from other people.

My name is Adrian, I'm a 28 year old boy from Romania, single, living with my mom.

My story or my problems started since I have my oldest memories. Anxiety - social anxiety which later became general anxiety.

Since I know myself, I had problems with socializing with people, experiencing extreme emotions of fear when getting in conflicts or things/activities where conflict or misunderstanding could appear.

This made my childhood very sad, affraid of doing almost anything with fear that my grandmother would scold me. I've been raised by my grandparents but my grandfather was always absent and had problems with alcohol. When together, my grandma and grandfather were always disputing, hating each other.

I think my grandma had the same problem with the anxiety as me, I got it from her and to be able to deal with it she was very authoritary, strict... if possible to be so quiet that I don't make her problems or waking up emotions in her.

So, my problems perpetuated in each phase of my life - school, high-school, university - the part with studying being my escape and my only positive aspect to counteract my lack of personality and to get protection and not to be hurt by people.

I was very quiet, never being able to achieve big projects or to step up.

For a long period, my financial situation was assured by my grandparents and mom, who joined us when I was 13 after divorcing from my father.

My medicine and the hospitalizations, I was able to get them with the assurance from my forms of education or by my family but after finishing the education and after the death of my grandfather 5 years ago, things got complicated.

I tried to work, I was able to work for short periods of time like 6 months, 3 months, 9 months or 1 month as cashier, call center agent, flyer distributor til my anxiety problems would put me down, not being able to get up from my bed, not talking anymore about concentration, long term vision, decision making, creativity for my workplaces or my daily life.

Now, I have almost 1 year without job, trying to do daily tasks to receive some money but it's harder because my grandmother died last year in July and my mother (having also problems with anxiety) could barely find a job after she has been a social assistant for my grandmother in the last years of her life.

I had numerous periods in my life when I was thinking only about suicide but never had the courage to do something, always feeling anxious and not being able to endure not even the slightest levels of pain (as in the relationship with other people).

I try to obtain help because our financial situation is very bad, I need medicine and if my state goes worse, hospitalization.

I'm Oriflame representative for the moment but the orders from people got lower, because of my incapacity to get to socialise with them and having extrem fear to get to talk with somebody, difficulties even to go to the shop and buy bread or usual things.

I'm lucky with a neighboor/friend who accompanies me almost always when I need to get out, buy things or pay bills.

Please, it's very hard to even open my eyes in the morning, sometimes hoping that the silence I have during sleep will last forever and I will not wake up anymore.

If someone could help us to overcome this situation, we would be grateful and we will pray to God to bless you.

If someone wants to talk to me on social media to find out more or if someone is curious about my mental state/difficulties I am open to talk, of course, depending on my mood.

I realise I got a bit of relief telling my story here and I hope everything will be alright one day.

Thank you all and wish you keep your mental state healthy, powerful and clean !

God bless you !