It’s all in aid of Hope House Children’s Hospices, who do the kind of work that actually matters – giving life-limited children and their families in North Wales, Mid Wales, Cheshire and Shropshire the care, dignity, and support they need. Meanwhile, I’ve managed to raise… well, basically nothing. If fundraising were a military campaign, I’d be more “lost boot at Bognor” than First Marquess of Anglesey at Waterloo.

The truth is, I should have raised way more by now. But here we are: the abseil is approaching, and my current sponsorship tally would barely buy a pack of custard creams for the hospice kitchen.

So please – if you’ve ever wanted to see someone humbled by physics and bad decisions, this is your moment. Sponsor me. I’m going off the edge (literally and emotionally) for a genuinely brilliant cause. Let’s try to raise enough to make it slightly less embarrassing when I inevitably cry halfway down.

Thank you, you wonderful, generous, hopefully-now-guilty-feeling human.