I am someone who has had anxiety and suffered with periods of depression all my life, but the last three years have, at times, been a living nightmare for me and my loved ones.

In September 2020, me and my girlfriend bought a house, we had been together a couple of years but known each other much longer. We were talking about having a baby, I was so happy, I had a job I loved, friends and family I loved, and I was with someone who I was going to spend the rest of my life with...

Christmas 2020, we went around to my girlfriend's parents for Christmas dinner. A few days later, we both came down with Covid-19, we were quite poorly. While I was isolating in our house for a couple of weeks I had a couple of panic attacks. By the end of January, I was struggling to sleep properly. By the end of February, I wasn't sleeping at all. I was off work and by the middle of March, I went into a crisis, an ambulance had to be called. I had tried to stab myself. From there my mental health was in free fall, my fight or flight reflex appeared to be stuck, Covid had somehow broken me in ways I'm only just starting to understand. I just didn't see the point in life anymore.

In June 2021, I voluntarily admitted myself into St Mary's Hospital in Kettering, my girlfriend had been so supportive and continued to be, over the next few months I made two suicide attempts but she stood by me. Time was ticking by, and we were no closer to having a baby as I needed surgery but was not in the right headspace. During this period, I also said things about being a new Dad, that I now regret and led to irreversible decisions. I was discharged from hospital in early December.

I grappled with what was happening, but I still wasn’t well, I felt isolated and emotionally numb, we were still living together but so much had changed yet I still loved her. Following a week in a crisis house In May 2022, I moved in with my parents and my girlfriend's baby was born in August 2022, we hadn't officially broken up and text every day, but I rarely saw her. I think she had mentally moved on, but I hadn't and couldn't.

By the end of September 2022, I had made plans to end my life again, I was put under the Urgent Care & Assessment Team and was signed off work, in the following months various teams attempted to help me, but I was severely depressed. My parents, family, close friends, and employer had all been incredibly loyal and supportive but to me they felt like strangers, mental illness destroys your ability to feel and show love.... severing positive attachments and casting you adrift, loneliness is the killer.

It wasn't until we had a buyer for the house in March 2023 and I was told by my GP that I was prediabetic that I found the motivation and strength to take a couple of steps towards changing my mindset, I joined the local tennis club...I needed to lose weight. I started to talk to a couple of friends. I had finally got a counsellor whom I had a therapeutic relationship with, I was referred to a Spring social prescribing team and joined an art workshop full of lovely people, I started to volunteer at Daventry New Steet Cafe, I joined a Rethink support group at an amazing allotment space, I started to train for Northampton half marathon. In amongst all this momentum I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it explained a lot to me about why I did some of the things I did, I thankfully saw this knowledge as a positive, to make me more self-aware, to seek targeted coping strategies.

Then vitally in June 2023 my brothers partner suggested The Frank Bruno Foundation, I looked it up, emailed coach Robbie and never looked back. From the word go the support has been incredible, I have always felt listened to and understood, never judged. They are like another family to me, and I know some of the relationships I make through the foundation will last a lifetime. It has helped me to bring love back into my life and repair the severed connections that have occurred through the last two and half years. Seeing others battle their own demons and conquer them I find inspirational, if it has helped me then it will help lots of others.

Please give whatever you can. A huge public thank you to all of you who have stood by me through the dark times, you know who you are! And to my beautiful children, when you read this, quite simply I don't think I'd have made it through without your unconditional love and giving me the fight to keep being your dad. ❤️🥊🥰

Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page. I will be fighting in a boxing event for the Frank Bruno Foundation on April 5th, 2024, at the Deco theatre to raise money for mental health. And please don’t forget to tick the gift aid which will help more.

Embracing Hope and Healing Through the Frank Bruno Foundation

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast, and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving - they'll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they'll send your money directly to the charity. So, it's the most efficient way to donate - saving time and cutting costs for the charity.