Why I'm running for Beat.

For 20+ years I battled with food. I would control what I ate daily and then mentally punish myself for having eating something that I deemed ‘bad for me’. I would only eat certain types of foods that I thought wouldn’t be high in calories and that wouldn’t add weight onto my body. The control would vary depending on how I felt about my body that day. I would socialise and go for dinners but would choose meals that I would deem light and not heavy. I’d avoid having deserts as sweet treats were completely off the menu for me. I would often feel tired both physically and mentally but I just got used to this way of living. After so many years it almost felt normal to be this way.

I would do my best to hide my restricted eating and often fob it off when comments were made. But it became hugely apparent that this lifestyle I’d created was affecting more than just myself. The thought of my disorder hurting someone I love snapped me to attention and I had to do something to fight back against my eating disorder.

I immediately registered with a psychotherapists and counsellors clinic in Brighton and found a therapist who provided a comfortable and safe environment for me to discover the reasons behind my disordered eating. It all came down to a childhood experience that had impacted my life more than I had anticipated. It was about the control and ultimately the one thing I could control was food and what my body looked like.

One day my therapist said something that really resonated with me. She said that ‘thoughts aren’t facts’ and all of sudden something in my brain clicked. I’d believed for years that what I thought was correct but when I thought about it I realised I’d formed these restrictions from my own assumptions. I also absorbed what I was being fed in my job (in fashion), social media, news and magazines which definitely influenced my views. As a gay man you feel the pressure to look and act a certain way and I’d fallen into this trap too.

Once I understood my controlled eating I was able to start to challenging myself on what I ate. If I wanted to eat something, I would. I started by eating small doses so that I didn’t feel overwhelmed and slowly started to build up the confidence to eat my ‘forbidden foods’, each time telling myself my thoughts aren’t facts. With my husband’s, friends and family’s support I started to enjoy food again and noticed my body change in a more positive way. I had more energy and didn’t feel as mentally exhausted. I gained muscle and felt stronger.

There are times when my inner voice tries to take over and prevent me from eating the things I want. But I’ve learnt how to acknowledge those thoughts and rationalise them so that I do eat what I want.

My disordered eating will always be with me but I now look at it as a demanding twin who just needs to be put in their place. I’m so much happier now and love eating. To fight back against the control it had over me now means I can enjoy food and not feel that guilt. Food is fuel and without that your body just won’t perform how you need it to.

I’m running the London Marathon 2025 for Beat Eating Disorders to show that you can overcome an eating disorder. I want to support a charity that helps those in a similar situation to my own. My personal experiences with disordered eating have allowed me to understand what people go through during these difficult times. I want to raise awareness and fundraise as much money as I can so that continued resources can be given to those who need it. I was fortunate to be able to afford a therapist, to help me with my recovery, but not all have that option. Beat is a valuable support line for those who need instant help and I want to contribute to that help.

Another reason I want to run for Beat is that men aren’t as open to talk about eating disorders due to the male bravado. By talking and being open about my eating disorder I hope that more men will come forward and get the support they want and need, especially those in fitness.

It would mean the world to me if you can help me reach my £2,500 fundraising goal. Whatever you can donate would be awesome in helping this amazing charity.

Let’s Run Hun 🦾🏃🏼

Much love

Dan x