MY 'WHY'

Hi you! Thank you for visiting my fundraising page.

On Sunday 25th May I will be running (walking?) the Edinburgh Marathon, in aid of the Alzheimer's Society, for my lovely Nan.

For a long time my mum and I knew something wasn't quite right, she was different but we couldn't understand why this was, until a few years ago when her mental health deteriorated rapidly and she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in 2020.

Throughout the years my mum and I have seen the devastating and saddening impact the illness has had not only on my nan, but us a family. For my nan, the illness presents with her living in the past, and often reflecting on distressing memories; feeling that she is unsafe in her own home and having a very unreliable short term memory - she still thinks I'm her little 12 year old and was surprised when I told her I wasn't. I've stopped doing that now. Although her perception of reality is different, it is her reality nonetheless. Forever 12, forever in her time-zone.

It always hurts to see her upset and in tears; her confusion, and her lost eyes. The illness hasn't just warped her sense of self and place in the world, but has also impacted my mum as she has taken on the role of being a full-time informal carer, whilst also balancing work. My mum has unconditionally cared and supported my Nanu, and I am truly in awe of the strength she has shown, despite the emotional expense it has come at.

However, in times of light and clarity for my Nan, we see her come to life. I love lying on her lap, as she strokes my hair and makes sure I'm ok. She is sunlight. She makes everyone around her smile. She loves meeting people and will immediately give you the warmest of embraces, and you'll feel like you've known her your whole life. She loves dancing, and telling funny stories, and has the cheekiest sense of humor.

In April 2025 we made the hard decision, with the assistance of Social Care, to move my nan into a Dementia Care Home. This is a decision that had been toyed with many times, but we weren't ready. Culturally, the decision to do this was very weighted - feelings of guilt, "giving up", and abandoning our mother/nan, and leaving her somewhere alien where she would not be in the comfort of her home, alongside the unknown of how the care would be in comparison to the intricate care my mum would provide at home (she knows my nan, her schedule and care needs like clockwork). But it was important that this decision was made at a time when mum was ready. We are very grateful for the care and support provided by health and social care professionals at the home, and it has started to give my mum a second lease of life (although she doesn't quite see that yet). It is still something we struggle to comprehend at times, but I do whole-heartedly believe she is in the best place, and my mum can still drop off roti's and sabji everyday for my nan to enjoy - there's nothing better than home-cooked food made with love.

What I've learnt is that my Nan's identity resides with us. We remember for her, when she can't, and we'll always know who she is. The Alzheimer's, whilst a part of her, isn't her, but it's something she must live with. What I love most, is still being a part of her world - no matter what that may look like.

THE RUN

I've been a runner since around 2016. I entered my first half marathon in 2017 and a few more down, I've always wanted to do a full marathon before turning 30. Every time I finished a half though, I'd be knackered and take a hiatus.

This running block has not been easy at all, and it's one of the hardest things I've trained for. I've had injuries along the way, which despite a solid planned training block (i love a spreadsheet), has set me back. The reason for this page going up so late is because I really was not sure whether I'd make it to race day. There's still a percentage of me that worries about this, and the fear and doubt inside of me is still lowkey stressed about not finishing. BUT, i will try my damned hardest.

My 'Why' is pushing me onwards, and on my training runs I've thought:

I am proud to be running for Alzheimer's Society, the UK's leading dementia charity, who support those living with Dementia, carer's, and lead in dementia research to help improve treatments, support and care. From Monday 19 - 25 May 2025 it is also Dementia Action Week (extra special that this falls over Marathon weekend).

I know times are hard, and pennies short. I would be grateful for any support you could provide to this wonderful charity, for loved ones you may know who have been affected by a similar illness, for mental health, for my nan, for the absolute turmoil I'm about to put myself through in a week ;-) I will be praying for all the smiles and strength!

Love,

Sonali x