On Thursday 28 September, our lovely dad John was finally set free from the torment of Alzheimer’s. He was just 73 with a heart described as ‘as strong as an Olympic athlete’ thanks to a life well led.

Day by day, week by week, the unspeakable and unfathomable cruelty of dementia stole pieces of our gentle, funny, loving and peaceful dad and gave him new demons of confusion, distrust, anger, paranoia, delirium, mania, agitation, fear, restlessness and rage. 

For our mum, like so many carers, long days and sleepless nights became intolerable. Life became an endurance test of tactics, vigilance, patience and forbearance.

Determined to keep up dad’s love for the outdoors and long walks, she faced the unsympathetic, fearful eyes of people in the street. Pleas for professional help were met, eventually, with hopeful new prescriptions, an experimental trial in her own home with devastating consequences. 

But in all this darkness there was one guiding light: the open, understanding, empathetic arms of Age UK Exeter.

They brought mum and dad into their family of ‘Budding Friends’ who gardened, drank tea and laughed together. They welcomed dad to their day care where he beamed and jigged to his favourite rock and roll and, incredibly, where they discovered he still had the coordination to play table tennis for hours!

They enveloped him in joy, companionship, play and clever distraction, while scooping up mum in friendship and kinship. 

Penny and the team of staff and so many selfless volunteers at Age UK Exeter can never know their worth. They simply understand from the start. They listen, give the sound wisdom of experience. They help banish guilt and failure, and offer strength, respite, reason and laughter. 

This service, like so many others, is shrinking and at risk. It’s so utterly vital yet they have to justify their existence and fight for funding. 

This page is for them, in honour and in memory of a truly good and gentle man, a loving father who was simply happy if we were happy, a devoted husband and best friend of more than 50 years, and an adoring grandad whose tickles and tackles are legendary in our family. 

We’d be so grateful for any donations to support this essential, life changing organisation. 

Please help other families benefit from its warm embrace when they need it most. 

Hannah and Matt xx

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