I’m raising money for Refuge because this cause is incredibly close to my heart.

I’m a survivor of domestic abuse.

I lived in it for twelve years.

I lived in fear.

I learned to conform just to stay safe — with the constant, unspoken threat that if I didn’t, I’d be hurt.

I had to leave my hometown to escape that fear and try to create safety for myself and my children. When you’ve been controlled for so long, you don’t just walk away knowing how to cope. I had no financial independence, no understanding of money, and I was trying to rebuild a life while caring for three children.

By the age of twenty-seven, I was bankrupt.

Not through recklessness — but through control.

When I look back now and write about what I endured all those years ago, sometimes I think… how did I survive that?

And alongside that thought, there’s sadness. Sadness for my younger self.

Living every day asking for permission.

Not speaking up.

Doing things I didn’t want to do just to keep the peace.

Pretending to the world that I was okay — and pretending he was amazing.

Not wearing what I wanted to wear.

Not having the hair colour I wanted.

Not following my own path.

Hiding parts of myself and hiding everyday things I knew would “cause a reaction.”

I even asked my mum to buy my underwear — because I wasn’t allowed to.

The list goes on.

But the hardest part of all is the impact it had on my daughters.

They were affected too.

They experienced their father’s behaviour, and those effects don’t always show up straight away — but they matter.

For years, I’ve raised money for Refuge and collected Christmas gifts for mums and children living in refuges. It’s always mattered deeply to me. But for the last couple of years, perimenopause and life meant I had to step back — it became another plate I couldn’t spin at the time.

And now I’m back.

I’m taking on my biggest challenge yet — completing a marathon.

This one represents endurance.

My first challenge was cycling for twelve hours straight, to represent the twelve years I endured. The second was wearing a weighted vest every day for a week — to symbolise how often women endure silently.

This time, it’s about sheer endurance and determination.

The strength it takes to leave a relationship that isn’t healthy — and keep going.

If you’re able to donate, please know this:

your support doesn’t just fund a charity — it helps create safety, gives comfort, and reminds a woman and her children that they are not alone.

Even a small donation can make a real difference — sometimes a life-changing one.

Thank you for reading.

And thank you, truly, for supporting Refuge.

Gem x

One in four women will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime and on average one woman is killed every 5 days in England and Wales by a current or former partner.

Refuge is the largest single provider of specialist services to survivors of domestic, sexual and gender-based abuse and runs the freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline that provides the first step to women escaping abuse. 

By kindly sponsoring me today you are helping to save and change the lives of thousands of women and their children. Thank you