After a hard two years following my personal life falling apart and health problems added on top for good measure i spiralled into a very dark place and really didn't want to carry on, after dealing with a lot of people in that same place and seeing the devastation it left behind through work and in my personal life over the years when people decided to take their own life I always struggled with understanding or empathising that the only option people could see to them and how things can be THAT bad that they would take their own life and seeing the devastation it left behind in its wake…until i was there myself.

I’m only here because of my close friends and family and the support that IS out there as god knows i didn't want to be and certainly tried not to be through direct actions and indulging in the self destructiveness that became my daily life in every second of every day that is the misery of that dark place where somedays i didn't have the energy or motivation to get out of bed or even eat and had no enjoyment or happiness in life and saw no point or purpose to carry on.

Im on the very slow road to recovery and is very much 1 step forward 2 steps back some days, and want to push myself physically this year by taking on challenges to represent the ‘mental marathon’ i and many others will go through to ‘get better’ and to raise money and awareness that help is out there and that its ok to talk, as i was always one to brush things off and never open up bottling everything up, and that what seems like the ‘easy’ answer to the problem is not. One lost life is one too many.

I’ve chosen to raise money for Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) which is leading a movement against suicide.

“Every week 125 people in the UK take their own lives. And 75% of all UK suicides are male. CALM exists to change this by offering life saving services, provoking conversation and bringing people together to reject living miserably.

From advice on our site, through to free, confidential chats with our helpline staff, online or on the phone, we’re here for whoever needs us, every day. No matter what.

£8 is enough to fund one potentially life-saving call.”

I know it wont be easy…but here goes….