I want to raise money for the Headlight Project as their support has been invaluable during the darkest time of our lives; they have provided Jack, Bertie and I with hours & hours of specialist trauma therapy to help us come to terms and move forward from Jim's suicide.

The night of 18th June 2024 will be forever etched in our minds, no amount of therapy will remove the things we saw and had to do... the therapy has however helped us all to reprocess those memories and ease the intensive emotions attached to them.

I like to be able to pay back/forward the support that we have received, so when I saw the list of fund-raising events for 2026 I picked out three events that would all challenge me in very different ways, and hopefully help me conquer the overwhelming anxiety that I have been fighting following Jim’s death....

1. Skydive - on 29th March I will jump out of an aircraft flying at 14,000 feet and freefall at a speed up to 120mph before the parachute is pulled!

2. Hike into the light – on 5th June I will complete a 12-mile night-time hike, walking between 11pm to 5am to help reinforces the message that nothing is permanent as we move out of the darkness and into the light!

3. Boxing Day dip – on 26th December I will brave the icy cold waters of the North Sea and go for a quick dip!

Jim loved everything aviation, so jumping from an aircraft feels like a tribute to him and his passion for helicopters – I know for a fact that this will be one of the biggest challenges that I have ever agreed to do, I’m OK with heights BUT I’ve never once thought about jumping and freefalling from 14,000 feet, let alone doing it voluntarily!!

Walking through the night, in complete darkness, and into the early morning light feels very apt considering the dark place we, and many of Jim’s family/friends, were thrown into “that” fateful night and the long-haul journey that we are still trekking along to reach the light -I have no doubt that this challenge will be both physically and mentally demanding ,especially given the fact that I have done very little exercise over the last 20 months!

As for the Boxing Day dip – anyone who knows me, knows that I hate the cold, I was destined for warmer climates… just the thought of a cold shower horrifies me, sweating in a red-hot sauna is more up my street! I mean why on earth would you want to go for a dip in the freezing cold sea when the weather will be freezing cold too, let alone doing it voluntarily!!

Jim struggled massively with anxiety; and I could never get my head around it. I’d say things like it’s all in your mind, don’t overthink things, just do it, you know you can do it, you’ve done it before, you’ll be fine… yes, I hate to admit it, but I was that person that practically dismissed it as if he was creating a problem that didn’t exist as outwardly he was so clever and confident…. Then I had my first panic attack, and I have struggled massively with anxiety ever since – boy how wrong was I !! Anxiety takes some controlling, if indeed you can control it and it leaves you feeling stupid, embarrassed, drained, empty and often stops you enjoying whatever you are doing.

Let me tell you that I am already starting to feel my nerves tingling and a sicky lump in my throat when I think about the sky dive (its only 3 weeks away), and I know that the closer we get to the day the more in edge I will feel! I have absolutely no doubt that on the day I will be a complete nervous wreck, I just hope I don’t have a full-on panic attack!

So, as I massively challenge myself and tackle my anxieties head on, please would you sponsor me in memory of Jim and also to support other suicide survivors who, like Jack, Bertie & I need support from the Headlight Project – an amazing charity that is passionate about their work and tackling suicide within the Tees Valley.

Any support and donations would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you in advance x

Did you know that:

‘the North-East has one of the highest suicide rates in the country’

‘grief from suicide is complex’

‘it is difficult to describe the immense heartbreak and loss following the death of a loved one by suicide. It doesn’t ever go away, you just learn to live with it’