DEATH.

The hardest word for me.

It took me 3 years of therapy to learn how to write it,to say it aloud.It still physically hurts to hear words of sympathy,but now I know that this won’t last forever.

The deaths of my two brothers,my sister who was eight months pregnant and her son,my beloved partner ,my two best friends,and later my Mum,did something to me that is difficult to put into words and even harder to explain.

We Ukrainians often don’t talk about pain, because “someone else might have it worse”. And asking for help when the problem isn’t physical can be another challenge for us.

You can try to escape the pain of loss by hiding behind jokes,sport,work or other activities.But that isn’t the answer,because a plaster cannot heal a wound that is torn open again and again.

An allegory.Yet in times of war,the death of every Ukrainian feels,to many of us,like the death of someone close to us. Another national trait.

Thanks to the wise professionals at the NHS England , 3 years ago I found the strength within myself to accept help and begin therapy.Not to forget.But to learn to live with what can no longer be changed.

On 18 April 2027, I will be running the Manchester Marathon ,and this time I will be raising funds for Sue Ryder .

Lancaster University where I work,has a research partnership with Sue Ryder . I consider research in this field very important,because grief does not stay at home when someone steps outside its walls.

I will be running this marathon in memory of my Mum ,as it is her loss that I experienced relatively recently.

Her life came to a sudden end at the age of 57,on 1 May 2023.

She’s Alla Mykhailova – a chemist and agronomist by education and profession,but a poet by calling. An extraordinary person with strong moral principles, a powerful will and an exceptionally kind heart. Sociable and talented in so many different skills, I could never understand how she managed to contain all of it within herself,all those different facets.

Everything grew and came to life in her hands, and the collections of her writing remain a source of inspiration to me to this day.

I was an unusual daughter,because my innate,fierce desire for freedom in everything often did not fit within accepted social norms.But my Mum always found enough wisdom and an ocean of love to allow me to be whoever I wanted to be.

I will also be running this marathon for everyone who, is afraid of the word “Death”. Those who, try to be strong, composed and resilient, and keep putting a plaster over a wound that needs stitches.

Know this: you are not alone. And there are people who can help you get through this.

So, if this subject matters to you, if you are going through something similar, or someone close to you is experiencing loss, please join me in supporting Sue Ryder.