My upbringing was amazing with beautiful memories, I had amazing parents, everything a child could wish for. I taught right from wrong. During my early teens we moved as a family to Mansfield from London. During this period of my life I just did not feel, that “I fit in”, I desperately wanted to “fit in” doing anything to be part of the peer group by “showing off”.

However, trauma happens, and it can affect your whole learned behaviour and process. A close family member got seriously assaulted and this changed me as a person, I became angry, every male was a suspect and I wanted to harm every male I spoke to. At the age of 15-16 I became unable to cope with these emotions and started drinking. Thereby, a combination of youth, unstable emotions and alcohol was a recipe for disorder. I would be emotionally crying, sad and then so very angry with the world. However, on numerous occasions I turned down the offer of drugs – I did not want to succumb to this – I was in control, or so I believed.

Pressure and uncontrollable emotions, I started taking drugs at the age of 17. I had a moment of weakness, self-medicating to ease that emotional pain, I caved in. I was using every drug, bar heroin and crack, in my deluded and denial brain if I did not take them, I was not a drug addict this was my justification.

It was not surprising that my first prison sentence followed and instead of this helping, it increased my using to supplying. There followed 5 years of pure chaos and destruction. My dealing was mostly merely to supply my habit which was spiralling way out of control. I had no control over my addiction.

I would stop for a while and tried to mask my addiction of illegal substances when I was supposedly on “clean time” by drinking. My behaviours were all over the place. I became a Dry Liner around the age of 26. Some 4-5 years passed before I met my partner, Lauren and tried to start to turn my life around. During our time together we sadly had devastating trauma, and this threw me into a relapse. However, after digging deep I wanted to build myself up but was still using but not heavily. This made life incredibly difficult still, as I was only using occasionally and the emotional pain, and torment made it harder.

After the relapse: stress continued to follow me, as it does in life, renovations, trauma, money difficulties, dad diagnosed with vascular dementia. Instead of me talking about things, I ran back to using as I thought and believed this made me feel better. It did not at all, just escalating my problems

In recovery: I have been given life again. This is a difficult journey for my addictive behaviours. I assumed I would stop and would be an amazing human being. I have learned though that it was not the substances, but it was my behaviour which was the problem, of course, drink and drugs escalated this. I abused everything to run away from my feelings and emotions rather than talking about things that were bothering me. This is so important in everyone`s life to talk about how we feel, reach out.

I do not now drink or use any drugs. I plan to never to do that for the last of my days. I go to regular meetings, have a sponsor who helps me, do step work through NA. I speak to people regularly about my emotions and reach out.

I want to try and give back and help Hetty`s and New Way. Recovery has given me everything. A life, plus I have a house, I have a lovely partner and two beautiful children. I am reliable, a man of my word with integrity. Before I was the opposite of these words. Without being in recovery potentially I would not be here and that has a domino effect on the rest of my family and friends, including my beautiful partner and children.

On the 26th of September I will be 2 years clean, so the 24-hour Spinathon is my way of giving back to you, my family my friends and the community to help others – please sponsor and get behind this event.