Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page. Anyone who knows me knows I love to write, so I’m afraid this ‘snappy headline for why people should support you!’ is somewhat unsnappy and unheadliney… If you’d like to support me without reading this then I completely understand - we all lead busy lives! - and thank you either way 🙂 Otherwise, here’s why I’m running the London Big Half in September to raise money for the Joshua Levi Foundation:

While pregnant with my second daughter, I was itching to get back out for a jog but - let's face it - running with a watermelon strapped to your front, sore boobs and and a questionable pelvic floor hits different... and not in a good way.

So, I wanted to wait until a couple of months after she was born to see if I could get back on the jogging bandwagon and maybe even sign up for the Big Half, which I completed the year before becoming pregnant with my first daughter and which, as a result, hasn't seemed like a feasible challenge since (add 'having no time to pee solo, let alone get out for a run', to above list of excuses).

Annoyingly, a few weeks into baby number 2, after a series of medical complaints culminating with the Dr telling me I had 4 breast abscesses which were a day or two away from literally exploding out of me like some sort of pus-filled boob volcano, the idea of training for a run seemed laughable… but the silver lining of that particular horror-show was that I packed in breastfeeding and, a month or so later, I no longer had the watermelon or sore boob excuses to keep me from donning my ancient, battered trainers and heading out for a jog.

Then, after a couple of weeks of readjustment (literally, post-baby, your body feels like it needs to remember where your organs are supposed to go), I felt confident enough to sign up for the September Big Half, but by that point all the non-charity places were already full and I had to decide between running for a charity or not running at all.

Now, raising money for a charity is a wonderful thing but, for whatever silly reason, I've never felt comfortable asking for financial support. However, for all the reasons above, completing this particular fitness milestone felt important. Therefore, to get over my mental chugger block, I’d just have to choose a charity that really meant something to me, rather than fleecing you of your hard-earned cash to support The Royal Society of Pigeon Preservation, just so I could secure a place at a challenge I wanted to complete anyway.

I decided to quit doomscrolling on the loo and instead use that invaluable sometimes-solo time to search through charities I could support. I focused on two categories: children’s charities because for obvious reasons those now feel more significant, and mental health charities because in recent years I’ve lost 2 good friends to suicide.

This is where I’d like to write a little bit about Joseph Arthur Apuzzo or, to me, Joey.

I met Joey in 2010 at Hillside Summer Camp in Brewster, New York. We immediately hit it off. He was one of those larger than life characters who made you see the wonder in life: from trips out kayaking on the Great Swamp where he knew every bend, creature and birdcall, to playing ukulele and singing round a campfire, to heroically retrieving a buttered watermelon from the deep end of a swimming pool (I didn’t know watermelons were going to feature quite so heavily when I started writing this). He was the glue that held our group of adventurers together and between that summer and the next, I spent some fantastic, formative months with him and his family, who took me in with the same open-armed, big-hearted manner I’d come to expect from their boy.

However, as I grew closer with Joey I realised that there was a sometime-sadness there too, and by the end of our second summer together it was clear that the spark he brought out in others wasn’t always tended as carefully in himself. One of our first evenings as a group, he turned to everyone and said, “watch this,” then ran forwards into the night with his arms outstretched, as what appeared to be thousands of fireflies took flight in his wake… it was a magnificent spectacle. That was Joey, in part: running through the darkness while ensuring everyone else could see the light.

When his family and friends contacted me a couple of months ago to tell me that Joey had taken his own life, I was shocked. Yes, I’d noticed a sadness, but I always assumed his light would outshine whatever darkness he held within. We’d kept in touch over the years and I was always happy to see him officiating friends’ weddings, bringing people together through music and spending time with those he loved, just as he’d been happy to hear about my growing family: ‘Making another goblin, eh? That’s great! If you are ever unjustly slain by a warlord, I vow to teach your children the blade if they seek me out…you know… for revenge.’ These were some of the last words he said to me, and I’ve no doubt he meant it, too.

That’s why, when I came across the Joshua Levi Foundation, I knew I’d found the right charity to support. The moment I visited their page, I was greeted with the image of strong-looking men hurling themselves through mud and cold water to raise money to help people going through mental health crises (I realise upon writing this that it sounds like I’m trying to raise money for ‘Magic Mike’ rather than a charity… this was wholly unintentional… but whatever you need to believe to send money over to this fantastic cause). Levi, the founder, clearly saw the positive impact not only therapy but also outdoor pursuits and adventure had on mental health, which seemed much more ‘Joey’ than other charities I’d stumbled across. I messaged the charity, expecting to get an impersonal response, and instead Levi phoned me up and we had a half hour chat about how he started the charity following his brother’s suicide, how he wanted to help others and their families in similar situations and how he would personally help anyone I knew by raising money for their mental health support, whether that looked like therapy, a gym membership or climbing a mountain, because everyone is different and could benefit from help in different ways. This is a promise he's already made good on, meaning I feel even more connected to his charity. He seemed like a down-to-earth, inspiring guy, in it to help rather than to win any sort of accolade. It’s absolutely the sort of project I could see Joey getting behind.

Talking to Levi felt like the final push I needed to sign up for this run, and with the amazing ongoing support I get from my husband Jonny, who will always hold the kids if I need to get out for a jog (or have that much-anticipated pee), I feel ready to give it a good go: for myself after having 2 kids and a whole lot of boob-drama, for Joey and for the Joshua Levi Foundation.

If you’ve got to the end of this… well done… and thank you! 🙂

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