I’m walking the Humber bridge to raise money for Avondale Ward!

Yup you read that right! Now I know you might think the bridge it’s not that far but it’s not about the distance it’s about the concept of the bridge. On the 19th of April 2023 my most recent mental health journey began on the bridge and now I want to be able to walk across the bridge and back in a whole different mindset! To show that I’m recovering and I’m not ashamed!

And secondly I know the majority of people will see the words “ Avondale” and “Miranda house” and think “what the hell are you doing that for”. Right…. So buckle up and hear me out because that statement used to be me!

So I don’t really know where to start with this one but long story short I’ve had the year from hell

I won’t go into much detail but I’ve battled with my mental health since being a teen but unfortunately in November 2022 I had a relapse which ended up me being hospitalised in April 2023 for 4 weeks, this ended up in several admissions over the last 12 months. There’s a lot of controversy around Avondale Ward at Miranda House and the whole mental health system in general! and in all honesty I unfortunately had one negative inpatient experience on my second admission partially due to my own behaviours and mood and the stigma around a diagnosis I had recently been given. I genuinely had never cried the way I did before and felt so much emotional pain the way I did after that incident all I remember after is trying to talk to my friend on the phone but I was that distraught I could only get out the words “I’m so sorry but I’m a lost cause”. I had to write a letter begging for help, begging for my life. I had banged my head to such an extent I was unrecognisable, I was unable to see my daughter as she was scared of the bruising and swelling, I missed her first ever “big girl party” because I was a danger to myself to be in the community. I was medicated to such an extent when I had a visit from friends I couldn’t even hold a conversation all that came out of my mouth was dribble. I was once told to “stop playing silly buggers” “you know better than this” by a staff member who had been battling all day with alarms and incidents in the ward who you could just tell was at breaking point due to how stretched the system really is. I ended up using time in my therapy program I was in to deal with that incident instead of what I was already doing therapy for. Unfortunately all I knew in that time was ‘I don’t want to be alive I just want to die’ my daughter was no longer a protective factor I went from “I’m only alive for her” to “ I will only ruin her life being here”. I found a support system in two patients them selves with similar struggles and unfortunately one was tragically lost to the pain he had within a couple of days after discharge. And for a while this caused me to believe in the negatives and articles I read about the mental health system and Miranda House.

But then after that each admission became that bit more beneficial in the sense of the staff became more understanding of me as an individual rather than a stereotype. They invested in their activities coordination team which allowed myself and many other patients to enjoy ourselves and for a while just forget about our situations and feel the positives. The whole ward staff team were amazing, you’d find patients of all ages, genders and different mental health diagnoses sat genuinely laughing playing what can only be described as the worst game of bingo going (no offence haha). You’d find the whole ward had stopped in time as a variety of 8 different patients and staff working together to complete the most tedious jigsaw going. I had an ongoing joke that I was the ward dog because no matter the weather or the time staff would take me out for a walk as that is something that brings me peace. And other systems were put in place for other patients that benefited them. Yeah I still had the odd incident but the support and dedication I felt to actually support and treat me after the incident was indescribable. You could see they were doing all they could with the resources they had, but again the pressure and strain the services are under they don’t have the funding to add to this.

Since being out and stable I genuinely realised that apart from that negative experience I had at the beginning of my relapse I genuinely don’t think I’d be alive today if it wasn’t for Avondale Ward at Miranda House. (Eeeek controversial I know). And now I want to give back as my way of saying thank you and for those who may find themselves in hospital in the future to benefit.!

In the ward after having casual conversations with the other patients and the activity coordination team the Common theme that came up was having exercise equipment and access to the garden.

So here I am! Wanting to give back to the place that saved my life by raising some money for the ward and giving the staff the recognition they deserve with trying to give their best to those they care for in the daily battle they face with the lack of funding and the overstretched mental health system.

The difference a year can make