Around 7 months ago I underwent brain surgery and recently, radio therapy for a Vestibular Schwannoma that affected my eyes, facial nerve and balance centre and stopped me from doing my job, hobbies and every day life- rolling over in bed, looking to the left, dancing- all would make me dizzy.

After surgery, I had double vision for months that could only be solved using an eye patch or special lense glasses. I was told not to run, jump or do any strenuous exercise for a while.... hard when your profession is dance and singing. No one could tell me if I would naturally recover from this double vision or not so I decided to continue as if this was the new norm, sporting a very fetching Viking eye patch and getting headshots to match. I nervously attended singing workshops with other industry professionals and casting directors still wearing my eye patch.

I remember crying with relief after I sang in public the first time since surgery, as one of the possible side effects from the surgery was loss of control over my face and the ability to swallow and inevitably sing. Singing is my life, it's what I was born to do, it's what I do when i'm sad to cheer myself up, it's what gets me work in an industry that I love, it is how I have found a place in this crazy world and I was completely overwhelmed the first time I was able to do this again.

Unbelievably and miraculously, one day, I woke up and like every day I concentrated on my bedroom lamp the minute I opened my eyes, in the hopes of seeing clearly and.... I COULD! I was elated. I thought everything would get better in record time after that and though my fitness is not what it was (Hydrocephalus- build up of cerebrospinal fluid in the brain- and subsequent 2 months on the sofa will do that to you), I found that my dizziness was gone but replaced with an uncomfortable feeling in my head if I jumped or rebounded repetitively. So, still no running, something that as a low impact activity (best for this tumour) I had been doing religiously before surgery in order to give myself the best chance possible with my blood pressure and heart health for surgery and to make me feel that I had some control over this uncontrollable thing. This exercise and time outside on the canals of London helped me manage my mental health and anxiety at the looming surgery. I miss it.

I was impatient to get 'back to normal' as soon as possible and resume my life.... I know, calm down girl, it was only two months after surgery that I attended a dance audition, eye patch and all. I saw my friend join a similar marathon and document their training and that ache to run again, really to feel that I COULD run again was getting really awful.

My partner, a professional dancer and exercise extraordinaire, had been talking to me about how they had been working with a running coach on their running gait and I realised that if I could just change the way that I run and not bound like a dancer but run smoothly and efficiently, maybe I could run again without this weird and wrong feeling in my head.

So, if ever there was a time to challenge myself, it is now. I will regain the fitness that I once had, I will achieve this new running style and I will prove to myself that I can overcome anything, even an alien squatter in my brain. Thank you to my amazing team of nurses, doctors, health care assistants, cleaners, receptionists, the list goes on, that made sure that I could sit here and type this today. Lastly, THANK YOU to the ballet class that I fell over in that started the investigation into how I got so dizzy that I fell over. Not many people can say this but literally BALLET SAVED MY LIFE. If this tumour had gone unchecked, I could have just fallen down dead one day. Uuughhhhh, what a thought.

Even if I was unable to run for the Brain Tumour Charity this time, I am so glad that I could still do some good. I have friends who have suffered miscarriages and complications during pregnancy and if I can be of any help to this cause, I am elated to be able to do so. Running for something bigger than myself, I know that I will find the will power to do this thing.

Thanks for reading folks, ttfn. X