I am taking part in a sponsored walk on the 6th of July. I am raising money for a special, local charity called Elsie's Moon. They are an amazing organisation who help to support grieving families after baby loss.This charity is very close to my heart as they helped me personally and my partner after our loses of our babies Grace and Wren. There is so much I can say about how grateful I am to them. They give you a qualified grievance counselor and are completely self funded so they need lots of help to continue to support families. I don't know where I would be without their help and support through the most devastating time in our lives. Today (4 July) we got the worst news of our lives. Again. Yet again my heart is shattered into a million pieces. On Sunday I will not just be walking and raising money in memory of our two lost babies, but three. Another shot at happiness gone, another light gone out. Our baby has died. Why is this happening to us. Another baby We loved so much, we fought so hard for, we wanted more than life it's self. Probably my last shot at ever having a family. I didn't think It could feel worse after the loss of two already but it does. It feels like I am being punished. I live in a world that hates people like me and everything is getting worse and the one thing that would make everything ok is taken away, again. Everyone says their kids make it all worth it. The horror and trauma of seeing the person I love most endure this again on top of her already massive sadness she carried everyday, ontop of how I feel too, seeing how broken she is. I watch all of the people leaving with their scan photos and the dad's coming in with baby carriers to collect their new borns. We got to hear their heartbeat once and that's as close as we will get it seems. We leave another hospital ward with shattered dreams and broken hearts. I never wanted this life I never wanted to grow this old and feel this much pain inside and I forced myself in the hope it would be better some day, that i'd have unconditional love and a reason. I probably won't be replying or booking work in for a while, but I have one more day before the walk to raise some more money for our baby loss charity. Please share this if you can't afford to give. We are grateful.

Grace, wren and Farah Hart. We name them because it's all we have.