Right now, mental health services, both in the NHS and the third sector, are facing cuts on cuts on cuts. They were cut to the bone about a decade ago, and then the government kept cutting. This year alone, statutory funding for mental health support in Edinburgh has already been cut by 60%, and more cuts are coming. I will keep my opinions to myself about that, but the fact is, people in need of urgent support are facing increasing barriers to entry, and increasingly long waits - and the need for support is DEFINITELY not going down.

Some of you may know that access to the right mental health support is one of the closest causes to my heart. I have seen from early childhood what happens when people's mental health isn't taken seriously until it's already in crisis, and through years of unpaid caring for people dealing with severe depression, psychosis and PTSD, the one throughline has been that lack of accessible support outside the point of crisis. You shouldn't have to be in crisis to get support, and support should be available when you're putting your life back together.

I've also witnessed first-hand the enormous difference that access to adequate mental health support can make, and it changed my life to the degree that I barely recognise the person I was even a few years ago.

Up until 2018, I was barely keeping my head above water. I had been through a long series of traumatic events and, while people in my life were incredibly supportive, I was struggling to get any professional help. I was living in what we have since dubbed 'the pit' - a lightless basement full of black mould - and I was struggling with agoraphobia, often so frightened of going outside I had to call my partner to travel from the other end of the city to get me out the door. My mental health had never been great, but after years of dissociating in 'the pit', my self-worth was non-existent - I truly saw myself as a drain on the world.

I was already three and a half years into what would end up being a 5 year wait to get to the top of the NHS waiting list for mental health support, and things didn't seem to be moving forwards, and, living on around £8k a year, I certainly couldn't afford to go private.

I was increasingly concerned I wouldn't be around in another year or so - but then things changed. I was able, first through the Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre and then through a crisis mental health support grant, to access specialist trauma support. I had the space to understand what was happening to me not as an unforgivable weakness, but as a response to some really messed up things happening to and around me.

It wasn't an easy change - I often say I had to come apart at the seams entirely to start putting myself together. But within a few months of having regular contact with professional support, I had managed to find my first stable job in years. I started to be increasingly able to leave the house on my own. Since I first moved to Edinburgh in 2014, I hadn't made a single new friend in the city - by mid-2018 I was attending groups and activist meetings, and starting to get back out into the world.

It's been 8 years since I started getting support and I am thriving. I have amazing friends, I have a full-time management job which I find rewarding and which I'm good at, and I'm not only not scared to go outside any more - I'm finding new things I never thought I could do! I assert myself and I know I'm pretty great at the things I'm good at, and whether it's learning to weightlift, to rollerblade, to make stupid punk clothes, jump in the mosh pit, or to do drag acts, I am finding so much joy in doing things I didn't think I was capable of.

That's why, this May, I am going to (attempt to) step over the edge of the tallest distillery in Scotland. Those of you who know me may know that heights is one of my all-time biggest fears (last time I tried to push myself on this a preteen had to help me finish the treetops course at the Landmarks Centre...). This one might not be an easy challenge to bust through. But I think it's worth it, because while I've been able to access mental health support and it changed my life, I know so many people who can't afford to go private or afford to wait - and I want to be part of changing that.

If you support me in this sponsored abseil, your money will go to help Health in Mind provide free mental health support in Edinburgh, the Lothians and the Borders. I've spent the last year doing storytelling work with Health in Mind and talking to people involved in services has really helped flesh out the importance of the work the teams do.

It largely isn't clinical intervention, but the foundational work that lets you start to heal. The one-on-one and peer support services in particular give people space to do some of that basic what I call (when I'm not wearing my professional hat) 'unfucking things' - sorting out money, housing, finding tactics to manage symptoms, getting out of the spiral - that feel almost impossible when you feel worthless and overwhelmed. I mention that not because it's the only thing Health in Mind do, but because over and over again that's the biggest need I've seen people have - someone to listen, to value your experience, and to help you sit down and take it one step at a time. It is incredible the difference that can make.

Health in Mind also offer some really amazing support for survivors of CSA and trauma in the care system, mental health support in underserved ethnic minority communities, and some fantastic peer support projects in the wider community. I cannot stress enough how much talking to people receiving support has confirmed that it's not just me that feels the importance of being heard. It can absolutely change the course of someone's life - like it did mine.

Why £432?

"Hey Ruth that's a weird number" Funny story but the trauma counselling I got in 2017-18, which was meant to be 14 sessions, ended up being 8 for various reasons (maternity leave). But those 8 sessions were enough to kickstart a process that basically 180 turned around my confidence, safety, stability and wellbeing over the next 7 years.

It costs Health in Mind £54 a session to provide free counselling. £54 x 8 = £432. I had originally set my target much lower but I should have had more faith in your generosity, so I needed to come up with a new number.

I thought there was something nice about aiming for my fundraiser to be able pay for someone else to have basically the exact amount of support that changed my life.