In June 2021, our lives changed forever when Logan lost his dad and I lost my husband, Adrian, to suicide.

Nothing prepares you for losing someone in that way. There is the shock, the confusion, the trauma, the anger, the sadness and the endless 'what ifs'. Suicide leaves so many unanswered questions and so many complicated feelings behind.

One thing I know for certain is this: Adrian was so much more than the way his life ended.

Adrian had a huge personality. He had the loudest laugh, talked endlessly and loved his food. He loved music and could get completely absorbed in the things that interested him. He was funny, clever, curious and incredibly sociable. Most of all, he absolutely adored being Logan’s dad.

There are so many parts of Adrian that I now see in Logan. His mannerisms, his huge appetite, his curiosity for life and definitely his ability to talk endlessly. My heart breaks for Logan, but I am grateful he will always carry part of his dad with him.

Life looks very different to the one I once imagined for our family, but somehow, over the last five years, we have learnt to build a life around it.

When I found Suicide&Co, I found something I hadn't realised I had been missing. I found people who truly understood the reality of suicide bereavement. Reading stories and seeing feelings I had struggled to put into words made me feel less alone.

In March 2027, I’ll be trekking through the Himalayas to raise money for Suicide&Co. I’ll be trekking an average of 15–20km per day, for 5 days, reaching altitudes of up to 3,000 metres, travelling through remote areas with very few other tourists or trekkers, and staying in basic lodges or camping.

It feels like a challenge that represents so much of the journey we have been on — putting one foot in front of the other, carrying difficult things with you, and continuing even when the path feels overwhelming.

Everyone deserves to feel like they have permission to grieve, and losing a loved one to suicide can shatter your life. Suicide&Co provide free, confidential one-to-one counselling support, their practical and emotional support helps people through their own challenging journey. Together we can open the conversation and reduce the stigma associated with suicide. Every £30 donation will help provide one person with a free counselling session.

I’m doing this trek in Adrian’s memory, for Logan, and to raise money for a charity helping other people navigate something nobody should have to navigate alone.

And perhaps, in some small way, this trek is part of continuing to make sense of something that never truly makes sense.

Thank you for taking the time to read our story. If you’re able to donate or share this page, I’d be incredibly grateful. Every donation and every share helps Suicide&Co reach and support more people affected by suicide bereavement.