Trigger Warning: death, suicide.

When life is difficult, Samaritans are here – day or night, 365 days a year. You can call them for free on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.org, or visit www.samaritans.org to find your nearest branch.

Hi, I’m Sofie, and in May I’m going to be completing a 14,000ft skydive to raise money for the Samaritans - this is in memory of my uncle John and cousin Eleanor, who I lost to suicide last year.

My uncle John was the only one of my dad’s siblings also based in the UK, and lives in my memory as a gentle, generous, funny man. The card he gave me on my 10th birthday read “congratulations, you’re 100!” which was peak comedy in my mind, and I remember my dad’s reaction of “Agh, Jesus John,” when I opened the card to £100.

When auditioning for drama schools at 17, John let me stay with him at his flat in London so I was well-rested for my early start, and even gave me my first Oyster card when he helped me catch the right bus.

I’ll never forget the laughter when we found scuffs on my dad’s living room windowsill the morning after a boozy birthday party. John, in his hungover state, had found the front door too difficult to open - so had crawled out the window instead.

In August of last year, John was reported missing from his flat in central London. After two weeks of searching by police, publications in newspapers, and authorities sending alerts across the UK and to his home country of Ireland, John was found on the 28th of August, at Virginia Water in Windsor Great Park - he’d taken his own life.

Coping with his death has been unbearable, the heartache felt when you lose a loved one in this way is unimaginable. Then, two months after he was found, I got another devastating phone call - about my cousin Eleanor.

Ellie was a bright ray of sunshine in the lives of everyone who knew her. She was beautiful, funny, intelligent, and her kindness and generosity were endless.

I remember the visits to her family’s home in London as a child, and I loved playing with her, her sister Issy, and my sister Mia.

She sang Amy Winehouse at the top of her lungs in the shower, loved cuddling with her cat, called Cat, and when she turned 18 and got her ‘Tony Blair money’ from Labour’s Child Trust Fund, she used it to buy gifts for everyone she loved instead of spending it on herself.

In November, I got the news that Ellie had died by suicide. She had just turned 20 years old.

Ellie had been suffering with her mental health conditions for many years, living with an illness that no one else could see - the high moments were beautiful, and the low times were heartbreaking. Together, we sometimes joked and shared our experiences with therapy, medication we both tried, and bonded over the treatment we were getting for our mental health issues.

Losing anyone to suicide is horrifying; our language doesn’t have words that can express the grief. Both sides of my family have felt unbearable pain - and John & Eleanor’s deaths struck me so deeply because I’ve also tried to take my own life several times in the past.

When I was younger, I often turned to the Samaritans in those dark moments. Their volunteers answered my calls and listened, without judgement, and (in my mind) helped save my life so many times.

So on the 11th of May, the 7-year anniversary of my worst suicide attempt, I’ll be jumping 14,000ft from a plane at Langar Airfield in Nottingham. I’d be endlessly grateful for any donation you can make - every penny will be going to the Samaritans and will fund the incredible work that they do.