To start my story off by all means this is no way for me to get attention or be fussed about, for anyone who knows me knows I don't like being the centre of attention. But if my story can relate and maybe help other people who is going through it then too me that’s what matters.

Over the last few years I have suffered from bad Anxiety, which on a few occasions I have landed myself in hospital and I have been hooked up to heart machines and did treadmill tests to which everything came back clear but because like everyone in the world sometimes a lot of pressure can cause this to happen from time to time, because we can't always be superman or superwoman.

But most recently I have had to overcome one of the worst things in my life which was the breakdown of my marriage, for me losing that one person I truly loved and not only my wife but my best friend, but life throws us curve balls and sometimes things just aren't meant to be, but due to this my Anxiety and even Depression kicked in, I found myself in a very scary, dark, dangerous and lonely place mentally. Very hard and tough subject to tell anyone about but on a few occasions I considered taking my own life due to my personal issues, most days I woke up I just didn't want to be around no more, to me my world had fell apart and most of the time I had to pretend that the smile on my face was real but deep down I was struggling mentally, emotionally, felt alone and just felt as if I was standing still while the world just kept turning. I couldn’t get myself out of this frame of mind for quite sometime. But when u let something like this get a hold of you sometimes it can turn out to be too late. 

The biggest thing however that started to help me overcome this was when I started to think about my family & friends, and how something like this could effect their lives even though it was destroying mine and I just felt so empty and had no fight left in me anymore.

But with the support of my mum and dad who have been my rock, I could see the pain in their eyes as they seen their youngest struggle with his Mental Health and I could sense they knew and watching this from a far I knew it was time I had to find a little fight from somewhere to get back to who I use to be and another mention goes out to my big sister Pamela, this woman makes me so proud to call her my big sister she worked with me when I was took into hospital with a bad anxiety/panic attack and stayed with me the whole time and watched me crumble at her side as my world was falling apart, and also to see the pain in her eyes that her brother was struggling with his mental health well let’s just say shes a tough cookie and one hell of a strong woman but something like this even rocked her and also it had an effect on my brother in law Gareth and nephew/godson Chase who like the rest showed their support in the best way possible to try and bring me through this. I also have a 13 month old Chocolate Labrador called Penny she has been great company for me and I know people say it’s only a dog well this dog kept me going for she needed me as much as I needed her so thats why now shes spoilt rotten most of the time, but even Penny sensed something just wasn’t right with me. A mention has to go to my entire family circle, friends and work collogues without the personal messages and taking the time out of their personal lives to support and talk to me was incredible, the support each and everyone of them showed me words just can’t describe how grateful I am to them all to bring me back to half the person I use to be when at the time I was closer to not being here anymore for I just simply had no fight left.

So a little word started to stick in my head “Time” its true what people say, it does allow u to heal, so I decided its time now to find myself again and find that fight so I started back into my football again something I have loved since a young age and a mention has to go out to my local village/seaside town team The Villagers which is players from my home village of Articlave and seaside town of Castlerock, my teammates let me come along and train get my fitness up and then I eventually signed to get playing again every Saturday morning, I was handed my debut a few weeks ago and some how managed to score lol but the buzz I felt after that game was I great feeling something which I hadn’t had in quite some time so lads I just want to take this time and say thank you to each and everyone of you’s for the craic we have as a team is a great pick me up. I am also back after a short break with the villages local marching band Articlave Flute Band who I have been apart of now for 21 years these two things give me something to focus on every week it lifts my mind and not every week is the same so there are challenges which helps give u a break from thinking and allows u to dive into something else. I also started back jogging again which after a few weeks just helped any stress go away and this is when I had an idea.

So I decided if I could get a few miles built up over a few weeks and push myself and see if I could do it then I would enter the 2019 Belfast Marathon, long story short I registered on Saturday 27th October and will be running in aid of Action Mental Health 😆, buzzing is an understatement for me, it’s a personal goal as I will be doing the full 26 Mile Marathon and I plan to smash it. And with everyone’s help would love to meet my target or even better smash it too and show my support to the people who are their for people like myself who are struggling with life and with Action Mental Health they have great programs not only for marriage breakdowns, but unemployment, losing family or friends, depression and daily mental health illnesses.

My final piece of advice is allow urself to be surrounded by family, friends or even someone who will just listen and talk with you, never try and do things on your own I did and the hardest but most bravest thing I did was open up and talk about how I felt and what it was doing to me, don’t suffer in silence folks don’t get me wrong I still have bad days but I have two motto’s I try and go by and they are:

“You live everyday and die once, so make everyday count” and “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have”.

Finally to everyone who has supported me on this journey so far, from the bottom of my heart you’s really don’t know how much I appreciate every single one of you’s for without your support I maybe wouldn’t of found my strength again, and in advance thank you for continuing to support me, words really can’t describe what it means to me. So now its time for my hard work to begin 😃