If you wish to donate, please split between the two charities or alternatively donate to either charity if they are behind in funding as I'd very much like to keep them level.

For many 2021 was a tough year and I like many others entered into 2021 expecting life to resume with some form of normality and also with the excitement that my wife (Amy) and I would seek to begin our journey towards starting a family at some point during the 12 months that were to follow. Now I don't want to paint this picture with the aim of getting sympathy, I'm telling this story, together with the hope of raising money for charity, to open the door on a subject that in my experience shows is one of both sensitivity but also a real reluctance to open up on.

For many people, I expect, finding out you are pregnant for the first time is one of pure joy and excitement at what is to come. Unfortunately for Amy and I we will never get this experience, as for us we found out we were pregnant only due to the fact Amy began suffering from miscarriage symptoms. During the panic of trying to understand what was happening we had a positive pregnancy test - a moment I will never forget. The following weeks were lived in a state of flux, living between hope that this might not be a miscarriage and an ever evolving understanding of what miscarriages are, how they affect Amy physically and mentally and what should I do to provide support if we are in fact having a miscarriage. My prior understanding of this 'topic' was zero, having never tried for children before.

As the weeks passed and we attended various appointments it became clear that our worst fears were being realised and our first pregnancy had failed. It was during this period that I discovered the Tommys website where I spent so many hours reading, just trying to understand what Amy was going through and what should I do, I felt hopeless and helpless but with the advice that Tommys provide being informative and jargon free it helped me understand what was happening. It was during this time that I began to understand just how common first-trimester miscarriage is, with 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage and 85% of those in the first trimester. It was also during this time that we both found that a number of our friends had suffered the same heartbreaking fate in one or more of their pregnancies. This in itself made us both consider why did we not know this before and why is this topic such a taboo. We had our moments of upset and devastation but all the while we had immeasurable support from family and friends, something which helped us grow strong in the belief that 'we go again'. And we did, this time with a greater understanding and focus...then joy, we had a positive test in July of 2021. Life was feeling great and we even allowed ourselves to daydream about what's to come. With great excitement, tinged with some trepidation, we headed off to a scan at 11 weeks. As the scan progressed it was clear that something was not quite right and that feeling began to take hold again...sat in a dark room with Amy I began feeling hopeless and helpless as the sonographer informed us should couldn't find a heartbeat and confirmed it was unfortunately a failed pregnancy. This time it felt too real, seeing the scan and embryo and witnessing the absolute heartbreak on Amy's face. My main priority was to look after Amy and her needs in the immediate aftermath, I really didn't know where to start trying to make things better...as a man on the sidelines there felt like there was nothing I could do, I can't make it better, I can't fix this but I learnt that all I should do is be there.

During the latter part of 2021 I began to accept what had happened to us throughout the year. Once I knew Amy was ok I simply couldn't keep my emotions in check and broke down. I'm not 'too manly' to admit I just couldn't stop crying and I didn't fully understand why. After talking about my feelings for the first time ever I started to gain an appreciation for what mental health is. It was clear to me then my mental health was in a poor condition and would continue to decline whist ever I locked away my feelings and thoughts. So this is where I find myself, opening up and talking in the hope that my actions can hopefully help and support the next person going through this for the first or fifth time.

Additionally to the fundraising I am doing for Tommys I will also be raising money for 4Louis who support anyone affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and the death of a baby or child. I will be supporting this charity following one of my longest friends and their wife going through a stillbirth at 39 weeks at a similar time to Amy and I. This is a pain I cannot begin to comprehend despite what Amy and I have been through.

For 2022 I have decided to aid my own mental health recovery and to bring the topic of miscarriage to being something we can, and should, talk about (obviously subject to personal preference). I intend to take on a personal challenge every month this year to raise money for both Tommys.org and 4Louis . The schedule is as below;

January - Sir Titus Trot 10 miles - Bingley Canal Run: Completed 1:22:46

February - Carsington Waters Half Marathon: Completed 1:49:51

March - Sheffield Half Marathon: Completed 1:52:20

April - The 'Grim' Bradford Millennium Way Cross Country Half Marathon: Completed 2:35:14

May - Yorkshire 3 Peaks: Completed 6hrs 26 mins

June - Spartan Race 21k - The Beast - Wales: Completed 4hrs 7mins

July - RatRace Man Vs Coast - Cornwall: Completed 6hrs 53mins

August - Tough Mudder Infinity (8 hours for multiple laps of 15k course): Completed 42km in 7hrs 24mins

September - Yorkshire 3 Peaks (again!): Completed 8hrs 37mins

October - Ladybower Resevoir Trail Half Marathon (and a bit): Completed 2hrs 27mins

November - Tatton Park Half Marathon: Completed 1hr 47mins

December - Kirtstall Christmas Cracker Half Marathon

I will update the events as I book on and if anybody has any recommendations for challenges they are welcomed.

Please give this video a watch, I think this is a very effective way of conveying the journey so many of us have been through - Tommys Video

If you've suffered the heartbreak of a miscarriage please go to Tommy Record of Loss and sign your name. Their aim is to ensure every miscarriage count and to change the requirement for 3 miscarriages before a GP can refer you for investigations.