Story
Aha - it's yourself! Hello. You're probably wondering what silly scheme I am cooking up this time. Well..
Sustrans are a sustainable transport charity who remind people that it's actually quite fun to get out and about a bit using things like bikes and legs. People with lisps hate them*. They do official things like lobby for better transport and health policy and they also make lovely things happen like traffic-free cycle routes to schools. They've also been getting stuck in with the National Cycle Network for the last 20 years or so and you can now cycle all over the place without a big lorry killing you dead. More bumf to be found at www.sustrans.org.uk
Anyway, Sustrans decided they wanted to raise some money so they organised a 3-day cycle from Gateshead to Edinburgh using part of their Coast and Castles route. Now, I could have just wandered along that way myself, but if I show up on the 25th September there will be someone in a van to carry my bag and fix punctures and stuff, so I thought that would be easier. Except they want me to raise at least £300, so that's why you are reading this.
Why should you sponsor the ride? Well, I reckon anything that inspires people to get up and at 'em has got to be good - we could talk about obesity, depression, heart disease, cancer, and any number of serious-sounding things which can be beaten by healthy lifestyles - prevention rather than cure. Besides, cycling from one country to a whole other country sounds quite tiring, so that would be a good reason to sponsor me. If you have a nagging suspicion that I might actually enjoy that sort of thing, feel free to sponsor me for:
a) wearing lycra in public, subject to local horse-frightening legislation.
b) camping. In a tent. On purpose. Ugh.
In return for your kind donation - and in addition to being officially recognised as the most generous and generally scrumptious person alive - I will bag loads of photos of the ride and write a wildly exciting and sometimes accurate account of the trip from the start over the Millennium bridge to Newcastle-Upon-Toon, the stop at Alnwick 'Harry Potter' Castle, and the final tally of casualties in the hilarious 'To Lindesfarne At High Tide Sprint Stage'**. Some of the younger, trendier riders will apparently be using Facebo or Twitbook on their wireless telephones to keep the waiting world up to date. I have scheduled a slide show projector session for my return entitled 'Unusual Lamposts I Saw On The Way'*** which I will cancel if you double the donation you first thought of.
The person who raises the most money wins a mountain bike, so think of it this way: if you sponsor big, I'm very likely to break my neck on the next off-road crazy challenge, and I'll never harrass you for money ever again. A large donation now is a sensible investment for your future economic security.
As The Beatles once sang in their haunting, beautiful song of courage in adversity and the attainment of oneness with the cosmic now: "Just give me money. That's what I want."
Cheers all, may your socks be ever fragrant,
Paul
*That might not be true.
**That might not be true either.
***You're not sure are you? How very dare you...
PS Here's some of the standard bumf about why this is a good way to give money:
Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity.