This time two years ago life was great, I had returned to education. I had got my life together and had begun training as a hairdresser, had two beautiful kids and a beautiful home for my little family. Okay so being a single mother was never in the grand plan, but we were happy. Life was great. How things can change in the space of a few weeks.

So with Valentine’s day approaching, I’m sure most of ye hold special memories and anniversaries close to your heart, for me valentine’s day has a slightly different meaning. On the 14th of February 2015 just before my 25th birthday my whole world came crashing down around me. It was on this day that my GP said four words that changed my life forever, ‘Michelle it's Multiple Sclerosis’. How did it feel to hear those words? I have no idea, I was numb. Unable to feel anything. Honestly I had no idea what multiple sclerosis even was but just knew it wasn’t good. Looking back now I can’t remember the day properly I was in such a haze. I remember my GP trying to explain the diagnosis to me in simple terms and try to put a positive spin on it. Sitting in my car trying to make sense of it all, crying until there were no more tears left to cry. Stumbling in home to tell my family the news I had received, watching my father’s face crumble in heartbreak, looking into my mother’s eyes as she struggled to stop herself from collapsing in devastation, watching the worry spread across my aunt's face, looking at my two year old son playing on the floor oblivious to what was going on, watching my 7 year old daughter outside playing happily with her friends. At that point I had no understanding of the diagnosis and worry set in, what about my kids? Will I be able to look after them? Will we no longer be the three musketeers? Will I be in a wheelchair? How bad is this really? All of these questions in my head and nobody to answer them. In the days that followed I tried my best to hold it together, my children were my reason to get up each morning and for them I had no choice but to continue how I always had. I would get up and get through my day, get them ready for school/childminder, go to college, come home and do the same routine as every other day. By day I tried to suppress how I felt, it was the only way I could get through the day. I would block it out and hoped it would go away, I was so scared of what this meant for us and how we would cope. But by night when the kids were safely tucked up in bed I would fall apart. However I learned that blocking it out wasn’t to be.

A few weeks later I woke up with the whole left hand side of my body numb/tingly as if someone had drawn a line down the middle of my body, my right side was unaffected but the left side completely dead. Panic set in and I had no idea of what to do, what was wrong with me? Is this MS? Is this numbness the start of my deterioration? I called my GP and he sent me straight to the Mercy University Hospital, I was admitted and ended up staying for a week. Again another hazy period of time, a blur of blood tests, lumbar punctures, IV steroids, prodding and poking, eyes exams, MRI scans, x-rays, occupational therapy, physiotherapy, teams of doctors, student doctors, endless questionnaires, sympathetic looks, big words and phrases I didn’t understand. Relapse? Symptoms? Lesions? Exacerbations? Gilenya? Tecfidera? I remember feeling the most alone and scared I had ever felt in my life, I couldn’t even have visitors as the hospital was on shut down to outsiders. Being away from my children absolutely broke my heart, I had never been away from them for so long. I just spent a week lying there feeling empty, lonely and broken.

Looking back now I have one massive positive from that week, and that is the neurology team that I am under. Dr O’Toole and my MS nurse Niamh have been a tower of support when I have needed them. Dr O’Toole came to my bedside, sat with me and tried her best to answer my questions as best she could. She provided me with so much vital information and introduced me to the wonderful organisation that is MS Ireland. I did start to feel a little more positive after this conversation, although perhaps that could have been more to do with the fact that she told me I could go home the following day, more than me being more understanding of the diagnosis. My mother collected me from hospital and I couldn’t get into the car quick enough to see my beautiful babies sitting in the back, one thing I will never forget is the smiles that beamed from ear to ear on both their faces when they saw me. In the days that followed I was over the moon to be home with my children and family again. The kids didn’t leave me out of their sight in case I would disappear again, still can’t so much as have a shower in peace and they are checking up on me but I don’t mind I wouldn’t have it any other way. I did suffer from severe migraines and back pain for a few weeks after but slowly they started to become less regular until they stopped completely and life stated slowly to return to normal.

I started to pull out the information leaflets and booklets I had been given and set upon the task of understating and managing this disease. I started trawling through the MS Ireland website and have never looked back. All of the information I needed was right there, I even got to read other peoples stories. Eventually I plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and get in touch with a woman from MS Ireland called Patricia Lucey. That was the single best phone call I have ever made. She has been a rock for me to lean on, always there to talk and more importantly to listen. She has made several house calls to me and has even introduced me to meditation to help me manage my anxiety. Without the support of Patricia and Ms Ireland I don’t know where I would be today or what version of myself I would be. I know not everyone is as lucky as I am and do suffer a lot more than I do, I am merely trying to encourage fellow MS’ers to try grab the positive and run with it, there will be days when that seems the impossible but there is always a positive. You just have to find it.

I won’t lie the last two years have been a rollercoaster of emotions, there has been numerous uphill battles and dark days. Between new lesions, relapses and changing medications there is always something to cast a little shadow of worry but daily that shadow is becoming smaller and smaller. MS is no longer my first thought every morning upon waking and some days it doesn’t enter my thoughts at all. Somewhere along the way I have embraced my diagnosis and took it on headfirst. I went from being embarrassed to talk about my diagnosis to writing this publicly for everyone to read. I was left with very little self-confidence, had gained almost two stone and just hated what I saw in the mirror, I spent a little time down in the dumps about this and comforted myself with junk food (obviously a great way to lose weight). Until one day last September I gave myself the kick in the ass I needed and joined slimming world and the pounds started to fade away slowly. My cousin Laura, who I’m lucky to be so close to really encouraged me to join the gym she uses regularly so I took the leap and went to a class which she accompanied me to, and that was it I fell in love with exercise and how it made me feel. That right there is a statement I thought I would never say but I am slowly seeing big changes in my appearance as well as feeling so healthy. I strongly encourage anybody of any age or fitness to at least try a class in Mitchelstown Leisure Centre, they have such a massive range of classes and options. I cannot speak highly enough of Agnes Kenneth Kevin Philip Mlc Instructors and the rest of the team in there, always on hand for help and words of encouragement. They cater for everybody.

The people I need to thank the most though are my friends and family, without them I would be nothing. Each one of them are there for me in their own way, even in my darkest times I can pick up the phone and within minutes my troubles are melted away and I’m laughing and positive again. I can honestly say I have the bestest besties that anyone can have. I also have to thank my wonderful GP Dr. Herlihy and his secretary Katherine for the role they both have played and continue to play in my MS journey. They both go above and beyond to help me when I need them.

So finally getting to the point, I have decided that two years on it's time to give a little back and to embrace more fears I have, heights and flying. When I say fear I don’t mean a little nervous, I mean absolutely petrified (just ask my mother who sits beside me on our yearly family holiday). I have dared myself to take part in the 10,000ft skydive for MS Ireland on April 8th as part of the ‘Kiss goodbye to MS’ campaign. I am hoping for some help in raising vital funds so that other people in similar situations can avail of the wonderful services that MS Ireland provide. Any donation no matter how big or small will make a huge difference and I will be eternally grateful to each and every one of you.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my story I really appreciate it. Luckily I am generally a positive person anyway but the lesson I take from my journey is that a positive mentality helps with a healthy body.

If anyone would like to make a donation here is the link to the page I have set up on the just giving website www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Michelle-Hanley3
I also have fundraising cards if anyone would prefer to donate that way.