I’m Hannah, 29 years old and battling anorexia.

I have never set foot in any form of aircraft before;
therefore it only seems reasonable for my first time to jump out of it at
10,000 feet! I know due to lack of experience in a plane, it will make it more
terrifying but it is nowhere near as scary as the impacts of eating disorders
on people’s lives.

I have always had a difficult relationship with food and
body image issues. It gradually got worse from the age of 14 and by the time I
was 16, anorexia had a tight grip on me, which on reflection was a result of
becoming homeless and having no family support at such a young age. At this
point my obsessions with controlling weight, food intake and partaking in
anorexic behaviours took over my life and whilst living in a hostel, with the
support of my key worker, I went to my GP for help. I tried to explain what was
going on, I needed help but I was ashamed, didn’t feel ill enough due to my own
lack of understanding of the illness, I struggled to tell the doctor what was really
going on.  Because of this, the
frustrated Dr just replied “Why don’t you just eat?” This comment will live
with me forever as it wasn’t that simple. It was this comment that prevented me
seeking further help around my eating disorder for many years after.

It wasn’t until I was 22 and had my daughter I got help and
was official diagnosed with anorexia as things had got so bad that I was
admitted into a psychiatric unit to help me get better.  I turn 30 this September. Between my first attempt
at recovery in hospital at 22 and now, I have lost count of the amount of
inpatient and community interventions I’ve had. Regardless, anorexia just got
worse.

My mental health got so bad; I have been sectioned under the
Mental Health Act  4 times and had around
20 admissions into hospital since 2015. Over the last three years I have spent
more time in psychiatric units than at home with my husband and two
children.  I know now that a reason my
eating disorder developed was out of a need of being in control, but these recent
years I have realised it had complete control of me. Recovery attempts were so
hard, I relapsed so many times and the longer it all continued, the harder it
was to achieve a decent period of recovery.

My entire adult life has been dominated by anorexia and is
all I have ever thought about. It has had a profound impact on all aspects of
my life. Determined everything I did. My social life was non-existent as I felt
too bad about myself and wanted to avoid situations around food, and my strive
for thinness took me to dangerous lengths. I have nearly lost my life on
numerous occasions. There were times I could barely walk up the stairs, standing
up and sitting down was painful. I bruised so easily and I was always cold, even
in the summer. I couldn’t enjoy days out with my children for being too weak
and tired, and my heart and kidney had become poorly.  I hated every minute but I couldn’t stop. I was desperate.

I tried continuously to fight it, but there were times that
I got so tired and couldn’t see life getting better. I made numerous attempts
on my life, one time resulting in a week in a coma in intensive care. Anorexia
not only nearly took my life, but nearly robbed my two beautiful children of
their mother. I have missed a lot of my children’s lives through this illness
and the worry it has caused for people who care about me is immeasurable.

It is now 2018 and I am pleased to say that I am finally in
a place where I have some control of my eating disorder and not the other way
round. As of today (31^st of July) it has been 8 months since my last
hospital admission – the longest I have spent out of hospital in years. I am
doing well in my therapy sessions and my quality of life is so much better. I
have a lovely bond with my children and husband and have the energy to do
normal family things, and I can enjoy spending times with my friends.  I finally feel like a part of my family and we are a happy family.   I’m going to be honest though; I still struggle, every day. The eating disorder thoughts are still there and are a constant battle. I still have a long way to go but I’m going in the right direction.

 And although I’m always fighting and it can get overwhelming at times, a bad day in recovery is better than a good day in the grips of anorexia. 
It has been more difficult because I have other serious mental health conditions
which make it more complex when trying to fight anorexia. Co-morbid mental
health conditions are also common with eating disorders.

I’ve decided to raise money for the eating disorder charity
BEAT because they work tirelessly supporting sufferers of all eating disorders
and their families. They fight the stigma of eating disorders and raise
awareness of the illness so that people understand them, meaning sufferers and
loved ones can ask for help and receive the right support. 

My story (although lengthy) is still just the tip of the iceberg of what It is really like to have an eating disorder and
this is the case for all sufferers. My story shows that early intervention is paramount
in successful recovery. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but on reflection, if I
had the right intervention at 16, my adult life could have been a lot better
and perhaps I wouldn’t have suffered as long. BEAT fight for early intervention
because the longer an eating disorder goes on for, the harder it is to recover.
BEAT actively raises awareness so there is no shame in asking for help. There
is no shame in having an eating disorder. It can happen to anyone at any time.
Better understanding means that we can spot the signs of someone struggling and
know what to do to help. Throughout my experience, many friends have wanted to
help because they saw that I was struggling, but they just didn’t have a clue
how to talk about it. Knowledge is power. 
Let’s stamp out the stigma around eating disorders and understand that they
are serious and life threatening mental illnesses.

On 6^th October 2018 I will be skydiving as part of The BIG JUMP to raise money to help BEAT continue their amazing work and to fight eating disorders. And also to say a HUGE THANKYOU to my husband Ben and my children Evelyn and Jasper for their unconditional love, and to family and friends, doctors, nurses, my mental health team and the eating disorder service for their support over the years.

All donations, big or small will be so gratefully received
and will make a huge difference.

Many thanks for reading; it has been a huge decision to
share my personal experiences but I have done it in hope of raising awareness.

Hannah xxx

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving - they'll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they'll send your money directly to the charity. So it's the most efficient way to donate - saving time and cutting costs for the charity.