I am holding a charity night in memory of my son Harrisson born in the 01/10/2013 weighing a healthy 8llb 1ounce. I want to raise money for the family room in the princess royal maternity unit as I want parents to feel comfortable with the last hours they have with their babies as me and Harrissons dad feel that the room should be changed to feel more at home.  

All donations welcome, please share and let's raise as much money as possible and help families have that precious time with there babies in a more warmth surrounding.

On the 29th of September 2013 my waters broke at 39 weeks + 5 days.  I wasn't labouring, because I had a previous cesarean with my daughter as a precaution I had to go into hospital.  Myself and Harrison's daddy George were very excited as we knew within a couple of days we would have a beautiful baby boy.  The next day I still hadn't laboured so doctors and I decided that I would have a cesarean the following day if I still didn't labour.  That night George got sent home as nothing was happening a few hours later my labour was strong a nurse came to check the baby with the monitors and Harrison's heart rate was dipping so I got sent round to labour ward at 4am and George arrived 10 minutes later.  As the hours passed labour got stronger but Harrison's heart rate continued to dip as I reached 9 cm doctors weren't happy with his heart rate. One consultant Adam says that I was getting transferred to theatre for a caesarean and was helping deliver my son.  My midwife Pamela came with us she was great.  As they prepared for my cesarean at 10:30am, George came in all dressed at 10:40am as they tried to get Harrisson out they found it very difficult but they got there at 10:51am we had a beautiful baby boy weighing 8llb 1 ounce.  I know immediately there was something wrong he wasn't crying and there was a rush of people in the theatre room. No one would tell me anything I felt like my world was crumbling.  George kept telling me everything was fine, I knew in his face he was lying.  20 minutes later a man came walking towards us with our son who was blue and told us he's found a heartbeat after doing the full resuscitation on him.  He told me to stroke his hand because he had to go to neonatal intensive care unit.  "Go with him now don't leave our son alone" I told George.  I was so angry and lost I couldn't be with them.  I was took to the recovery room were I just sat alone. 1 hour later George came bursting through the door with pride talking so fast telling me "he's changed colour, he's going to be fine I know it". As we tried to make sense of what was going on we phoned our relatives who came to be with us straight away.  Around 2pm I could go upstairs to see our boy.  My heart sunk seeing my big boy wired up to so many machines and in an incubator with no clothes on I felt someone had ripped my heart out and stamped all over it. "Why us? What did we do that was so wrong? For this to be happening to our son". Harrissons consultant was called Dr.Lilly he was amazing with Harrisson but at the time I hated him as all I ever received from him was bad news.  He explained that Harrisson had lack if oxygen to his brain when he was born due to my placenta abrupt whilst at delivery. Harrisson had been placed in an incubator with a cooling mat which can help brain activity if that happens it will be within the first 24hours.  The longest babies can be in the cooling period is 72hours which instantly I wanted that for my son to give him the best possible chance.  We were taking it hour by hour and praying for a miracle.  That night family left and me and George just spent the night staring at him.  At 8am on Wednesday morning Catherine the midwife from NICU called up stairs for Harrissons mummy and daddy to come down right away.  The colour drained from us we expected the worse.  Catherine told us Harrisson has had a bad night and that they didn't think he would make it through the day as he was taking seizures through the night. We called our family and friends to come say goodbye but he wasn't going anywhere he was fighting strong,  that night we got Harrisson baptised with his godparents and family, his official name was Harrisson George Joseph Andrew McNeil McLean.  After everyone left me and daddy got our first cuddles it was amazing being able to hold him for the first time I loved him so much.  Wasn't long before he had to go back in his incubator. I preferred being with him through the night as it was so peaceful and I could tickle his little hand and watch him sleep.  He never had any seizures that night.  Thursday night his two big sisters summer and Courtney came to see him not fazed by the machine or anything he was attached to they told him story's and touched his hands.  Our heart was breaking watching them together knowing they wouldnt see each other again.  After the girls left Dr.Lilly told me no progress has been made with Harrissons brain and that it might be the right time for him to come out of his incubator, I insisted that wasn't going to happen as it hadn't been 72 hours I wasn't ready to let him go. "Was I ever going to be ready?"  Dr.Lilly always gave me the look of its time but I wouldn't listen.  That night again Harrisson and I spent mummy and son time.  I breast feed for Harrisson which daddy gave him through a little tube every 4 hrs. We were told it doesn't make a difference but we thought mummy's magic milk would help.  I was running out of time.  Friday came and everyone made the decision to stop Harrissons suffering I couldn't say it, I couldn't  say anything, I felt numb.  On Friday night at 10:30pm Harrisson was getting took of his incubator and his nappy and we suit got put on him he officially was in his incubator for more than 72hours.  We didn't know what to expect when he came out his incubator and of his breathing  tube. He was not ready to go to sleep right away he was deciding that on his own.  seeing him being removed from his incubator made us physically sick.  With eyes filled with tears, Harrisson, daddy and I were transferred to a "family room"  it was an insult this room was also used as a waiting room during the day.  It was uncomfortable there was no dimmed lights,  it felt horrible and disgusting.  We tried to make the most if it as it was our final hours with our precious boy. As the time went on we spoke  to Harrisson and  told him how we will love him forever and how much of a brave boy he is.  He was perfect in every way, I will never know how I got through my son pass away in my arms and knowing their is nothing I can do to make him stay with his family were he belongs. 5:45am daddy and I lay down cuddling our boy we shut our eyes for a second and in the second our eyes were closed our thoughtful most special boy went to sleep and grew his wings to become an angel baby. I will never forgot the best 7hrs and 15 mins you gave me and your daddy. Our hearts will be forever broken Harrisson.  Love and miss you more each day sleep tight our angel.

Harrisson changed peoples life's and left an everlasting imprint that will be remembered forever.  Everyone at the neonatal intensive care unit done an amazing job looking after our boy in such a short time.  Everyone there were all upset and shocked as much as we were at this healthy boy was so unwell x

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