Hi everyone, thankyou for taking time out of your day to read my funding page, my name is Lisa and im going to talk about why id like to raise money for my daughter Ava’s headstone and surround And how and when my precious Ava passed away.. its a big read, i did not want to miss out anything. ❤️

On the 22nd of may 2015 i was blessed to discover i was pregnant, i had a rollercoaster relationship with Ava‘s father and due to violence after discovering i was pregnant the relationship broke down.

I was prepared to be a single mum and knowing id have a miracle baby to care for and love uncondionaly at the end of the pregnacy i was prepared to go through anything to be a mother. Expecailly after being diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome back in 2012 it was thought that id struggle to conceive nautrally. I counted my every blessing when i conceived nautrally, a miracle to say the least. My baby was due december the 31st (newyears eve2015)

On my 12 week scan (my first scan) they found a defect on my babys tummy, her umbilcal cord seemed to have protrusion at the join to her tummy. This condition had a name it is called “Exomphalos”. An Exomphalos is a weakness of the baby's abdominal wall where the umbilical cord joins it. This weakness allows the abdominal contents, mainly the bowel and the liver to protrude outside the abdominal cavity where they are contained in a loose sac that surrounds the umbilical cord.

The Sonographer looked concerend and sat me down with a nurse and asked me if id like to terminate the pregnacy, i politly declined and they where then happy enough to offer me support and gave me things to read with regards to my daughters Exomphalos they said theyd be in touch and sent me on my way. Two days later i recieved a letter for an appointment at St Michaels hospital to have a Chorionic villus sampling test done to test for downsyndrome and Edwards syndrome, all results came back clear two weeks later.. i was now under 2week checks at three seperate hospitals to monater my growing girl closely.

At around the 6month stage my perfectly growing girl had to have indepth scans on her heart and her Exomphalos, where i was told Ava has a Minor Exomphalos which is where her opening is only 4cm round and only contained part bowel, she’d only require a small operation immediatly after birth and id be able to cuddle her soon after the opperation, I was thrilled and over the moon. My baby girl WAS going to be fine!

I kept up with the scans until friday20th of november my exhaust fell off my car so i missed one of my last scans at St Michaels, however they where happy all was okay and i was just to attend my appointment in trowbridge hospital on the 26th at 8.06am..

I arrived eager to hear my princesses heart beat one last time before her arrival, i hopped up on to the bed and the midwife got to work... it took a while and i felt the atmoshere change, she said she just needed to pop out and shed be back in a sec, she came back woth two other nurses and a pressure cuff for my arm. They worked hard and FOUND a heart beat i smiled but she said “lisa that is your heartbeat its the same pace as youre wrost” my head spun!

The midwife asked me to sit up and explained they havent been able to find Ava’s heart beat! she then asked if anyone could come ASAP to take me to RUH or they‘d have to blue light me in NOW. I called my parents they where shopping, I exaplined briefly what had been said i remianed extreamly calm and my mother left the trolly in the shop and came immediatly to take me to the hospital, my father and Autustic little brother took my car home amd waited for our call...

When i arrived i was ushered around the back corridoors of the RUH to room 2 where the gentle midwife scanned me and said im sorry i need to go and get a second opinion, another lady came in watched the screen (that i asked to keep on so i could see my baby) and they took away the sonography machine and said those dreaded six words, IM SORRY THERE IS NO HEARTBEAT! I went to stand but my body collapsed i screamed, cried out loud and quivered in a mess on the floor. NO NO NO, MY BABY HAS DIED, WHY!

Once my mum and the nurses got me up i was confused “i want my baby” “ive come so far, i need my baby” i heard my mum calling my dad to tell him his granddaughter has died, he had only just gotten over cancer i didnt want my dad to feel he had battled the that nasty C-word to then loose his reward, his precious grandaughter, my little girl..

we called all neccassary people Ava’s father & family. My mum was in bits she had to call all these people to then tell them her grandaughter has died and that shes with me in hospital and to come asap.

After the arrival of Ava’s father and his mum the midwives said i needed to make a decision wether id wait in the hospital to be induced or i go home and shower, get essetials and return when im ready. I chose to go home and pack all that i needed to deliver my sleeping angel..

I got home to a house of loved ones that just hugged me silently, my other brother apologised and said he felt guilty because his son (my nephew) was alive and my angel didnt make it. my brother cried, he cried so hard, i looked up and my dad was sat crying silently, everyone had there heads down silently crying, pineing for the life of my daughter.! I went and bathed and unpacked my (happy welcome to the world) hospital bag to pack a sad one..

I arrived back at the hospital at around 7/8pm and they took me to my private room to begin the induction proccess.. i fell asleep around midnight although i kept waking up crying during the night, i hadnt dialated anymore than 1cm over night and they started with the second stage of inducing me. I had visitors on friday although i was very much in and out of sleep.. fridays a little blurry to me.

8am on saturday the 28th november i got gently woke up by keisha my amaizing midwife and she said id need my waters broken as ive not dialated anymore, i had them popped and it was so painful, i lost alot of blood and i was prepped for a blood transfusion, however it was a near miss when the tranfusion unit arrived i had regulated again.. the majority of the morning after that was a blur but i had started contracting, i had the morphine drip. but my word emotion pain is not touched at all by morphine, physical pain just about. I was so wieghted down with the both that after 5hours of morphine and only 8cm dialated they decided i needed an epidural.. this whole time i was imagining phantom kicks and thinking it was all a mistake and that Ava was still alive.!

After 7atempts of getting the epidural in my spine (which has led me to have 7individual scars on my spine to this very day) i was finally in no pain i remember asking my parents for jelly and sent them off to find me jelly, Avas other grandparents where out buying her a premature baby outfit (as they said she would be small) and i was sat up trying to take my mind off of things with attempting to do my makeup.. (it didnt work, i got as far as foundation and stopped) i felt her head coming....

So my parents come back they couldnt find any jelly and my dad needed his medication so they needed to leave, the nurses said id be another 4hours yet so they could come back a little later.. i said i CAN feel her head and they dismissed it until after my parents left, i got examined 20 mins later.... Ava‘s crowning!!

I lifted my own legs in to the stirrups with Avas dad one side and her grandmother the other side i began to push.!.!

I cried it hurt so much, ”i need help i can not do this” keisha reassured me and said i was doing great and to just breath.. i felt like i had a bus on my chest as i counted each push and 11big pushes later i looked down to see my absolutely tiny lifeless sleeping baby Ava in between my legs all curled up looking so perfect!!!

6:06pm november28th 2015 Ava Jane Richardson was born sleeping!

I felt joy, my babys here i have just given birth to my perfect baby, but it came crashing down i rememberd shes dead, theres no cry theres no movement my baby isnt alive they where right Shes really got no heart beat.!!

Her exomphalous had killed her, it was an Exomphalos Major and it contained her full bowel, part lung and apendix.! Her bowels knotted and perferated and killed her, my perfect sleeping girl!! I had my life planned (our lives planned) mummy and Ava until the end!! All family come in to hold her and cuddle her still body, “shes beautiful” “look at her perfect hands and feet” “shes got mummy’s nose and lips” i heard it all while i sat on the bed waiting for my girl to be placed back in to my arms.! Everyone eventually left, i wanted Ava to be put down, “shes had a hectic evening” i said to keisha (the midwife) she said “you are AMAZING lisa, Ava is so perfect and my first ever sleeping baby, i will remember you and Ava for the rest of my life!”

I wanted to get some rest so i said my goodnights and went to sleep, when i woke up i wasnt pregnant anymore. I was just lisa, not pregnant lisa with the most beautiful bump and a kicking little Ava cooking away.. shes gone!

I spoke to lots of people and had a funeral arranged, and then at around 3pm on sunday the 29th i left the hospital emptyhanded! I went to visit Ava after her postmortum, while i still could touch her and have her close, i put lovely things in her casket including pictures of her parents and family and spare cloths and essentials for her journy..

We chose her tiny little white coffin, with pink silk lining,silver name plaque and the pink bows to go on her tiny silver handles. She looked beautiful in her casket. “Why my baby, i cried”

Ava was burried on the 22nd of december 2015 at 9.30am her service was beautiful and the songs i wanted where played and it was all so perfect, friends, family & keisha my midwife piled in and my girl had her loved ones all together and around her one last final time before being submitted to the earth.. Ava is now in her beautiful box in a mud hole with ribbons and flower/petals all over her and im wanting so badly to have her out, i stand and i cry, wishing it was all a bad dream.!! But shortly after the service had finished and we all walk away one strong beam of sunlite comes down and divides the rain and haze and beamed on my angel, Ava has been taken home..

Ive looked after her grave every week ever since and although i do an amazing job of maintaining it and keeping it bright and colourful its now time for a headstone & suround.

This is where i need some help, I have saved a little and i have had other cash donations from family and friends but i need a minimum of £500 more to go towards her headstone and any left over money will go to a charity called SANDS- Stillborn And National Death Sociaty.

Ava will be three this year and id love for nothing more than for her to have the headstone she deserves all paid for and laid by her 4th birthday.

please please consider my angel when you feel like being generious. Her life was stolen and never lived but i will forever hold her memory with me.. i was her home and now i want to create her a perfect sleeping patch.. ❤️

Thank you again for taking time to read my story and thank you to anyone who generously donates..

Kind Regards

Lisa, Ava’s mummy xxx