Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

Would love your support for this great cause. I am doing the walk 10 on 30 August in tribute to my father in law and if you would like to sponsor me I would be so grateful for every little penny you can spare. 

I was not sure how to go about writing this story but I guess I will start by tell you a little about why I am doing this.

Some of you know my amazing wee father in law, and know how much he meant to me. He was a second father to me and was so loving and supporting of me over the last 9 years. He always treated me like a daughter, I never felt like I wasn't part of his family or even just a daughter in law. So much so that I called him dad. 

With all that said, when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last August our world fell apart. We knew what this meant. We knew that any treatment was only about shrinking the tumour and prolonging the inevitable. He was determined to fight, he was adamant from the moment he knew he had a tumour that he wasn't giving up easy. I think we lived in denial for a while because he was so fit, he still walk Toby, he still went shopping. He was still helping me with going to doctors and hospital appointments. He never complained about pain or anything. Just before Christmas he became Jaundiced and had to go into hospital to have a stent fitted, but of course from his hospital bed he was still trying to take care of everything at home. He was just all about looking after his family. For the next few months we all went on feeling like he was indestructible. But in February he went downhill so rapidly it scared us. After a few days of constantly begging to let us take him to hospital he finally gave in. So off he went. His nurse from the cancer ward told us that he needed to be at home because he is his wife's carer. Even then he was all about looking after others. A few days later myself and my brother in law had a meeting with his doctor and were told that he was failing and that chemotherapy was no longer an option and we should make arrangements for what to do next as the rate he was declining it would most likely only be a few weeks. We had the option of sending him to a Marie Curie Centre or bring him home and have support come in. We were advised that it could be a couple of weeks waiting on a bed, as they didn't have one available right away. We knew he wouldn't want to be somewhere else but with his family anyway, so we made the arrangements to bring him home. We got him home the following week and each night I stayed with him and made sure he was comfortable and gave him pain relief when needed. 

The Marie Curie Nurses coming in throughout the day to change and check his driver, they were so lovely and felt just like family coming in. They were so good with dad as well as the rest of us, they would sit and chat with mum and make sure she was sleeping and eating and they would talk with me about how he had been and always were so reassuring that I was doing a great job. They were the ones who actually told me that I didn't need to be the one to stay awake all night and insisted that I let them arrange night sits for even a few of the nights. So that I could get some real sleep. I was so tired and grateful I cried lol. I stayed until the nurse arrived that night and talked her through everything that she would need to know. She was so lovely and gentle and again so reassuring and didn't get annoyed when I kept repeating the same things. She didn't make any comment either when to be honest I was basically telling her how to do her job. I know they are trained to know how protective families are, but this was very special for me. She hugged me and told me to go home to sleep. That first night away from him was so hard I couldn't sleep, I just felt like I needed to be with him. 6:00am rolled around and I hadn't slept but I had rested which was very important. I was so relieved to go round to find dad in one piece, what a shocker the nurse had done a good job. lol. He was comfortable. Every few nights we had a nurse stay and after the first night I was able to rest. They even managed weekend cover which meant I could actually spend time during the day with the family and my husband. For the most part he still had to work so it was difficult for us to spend time with the family together. 

The final days came and obviously for privacy reasons I won't go in to those details but I will say that the nurses that came in those days were so caring and so amazing that they helped us cope and stay strong those final hours. When we contacted them to let them know dad had passed on they were over shortly after and got him all washed and changed. They sat with mum and comforted her and chatted with us and made sure we were ok. I remember talking to one nurse who was there quite a lot and her hugging me and telling me that I had done an amazing job and he was lucky to have me. That meant so much coming from someone who didn't know me, it was really touching. I didn't need recognition I would do it all again in a heartbeat for a loved one. It wasn't easy, and of course I speak for myself and not the rest of the family, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and with out those nurses we couldn't have had him home. 

The support didn't stop the day he passed, they contacted again to see how mum was coping and make sure we were all doing ok. I have to say that those nurses are so amazing. I have worked in a nursing home, but to work constantly with people who are dying and their families every day would be so hard. It takes a truly special person. My hat goes off to them. 

So long story short... lol... I want to raise money so that they can give this support to more and more families. Being able to bring dad home meant so much to us, and with out those nurses we couldn't have. Also for those who need to go in to the hospice because they don't have the option of being cared for at home. I want to be able to help raise money so they can have more nurses and beds available to care for those who need it. 

I hope my story has not been too long but through the tears typing and remembering this I want to share this with you all and hope you will help me honour my Father in Law and support Marie Curie. 

£1, £2, £10 whatever you can afford is always going to be appreciated. Every little helps, being a Tesco man dad would appreciate that lol. 

Thank you for reading, sending loving prayers to you all. xxx

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